This year marks the 25th anniversary of Dollywood, the family theme park and drag queen pilgrimage site founded by bald eagle champion and all-around ass-kicking country legend Dolly Parton. This past weekend, Parton celebrated with a TV special on Lifetime, recounting her hard-scrabble beginnings and passion for Cracker Barrel. And, oh yeah, she totally sang a duet with Miley Cyrus. If you can get to Pigeon Forge to celebrate, we heartily encourage you to do so. But for those of us who won’t be able to make the trek, we offer up the 10 most bizarre souvenirs, merchandise, and assorted promotional items associated with our favorite backwoods Barbie.
1. Dolly Parton pinball machine
Created by Bally in 1979, this rock ‘em, sock ‘em game room lets you play around Dolly’s accessories. And the bumpers are records. Tilt!
2. Dolly Dolls
Parton has a number of dolls in different outfits, but this one — in her Christmas-edition reindeer jumpsuit — is our personal favorite.
3. Dolly wig
At Dollywood, Parton has a room full of her trademark blonde bouffants, where costume designers come to worship. We imagine Snooki must have taken a few pointers, too.
4. Movie poster for Rhinestone
Rhinestone, sandwiched between The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and Steel Magnolias, is a lost chapter of Parton’s career, and that’s a shame: When else will you see Sylvester Stallone attempt to be a country music star?
5. Dolly Parton commemorative plate
Note Dolly’s Robocop-like sheen on this airbrushed, grandmother’s cabinet-worthy gem.
6. Dolly Parton pancakes
Not really merchandise, but a bizarre (and oddly delicious-looking) tribute nonetheless. Parton Pancakes are going to sweep the nation any day now.
7. Dolly Parton tattoo
There isn’t, to our knowledge, a tattoo parlor at Dollywood, but maybe there should be. There are worst things to have emblazoned on your flesh.
8. Dolly romper
For the toddler Dolly fanatic, a romper that proclaims her country cred.
9. Dolly Parton yarn art
Strand by strand recreation of Dolly’s winning smile, and, um, other assets. How better to decorate your living room or cruelly mock your cat?
10. I Am a Rainbow, Dolly Parton’s children’s book
Part of Parton’s philanthropic pro-reading project, the Imagination Library, I Am a Rainbow helps kids talk about feelings. And colors! Now, we just need one for adults.