Let’s face it: some names just have better songs than others. If you’re a “Sue” or a “Caroline,” there are endless ballads to your beauty and badass-ness. If your name happens to be “Jebediah,” you’re out of luck, unless you like hymns. It’s something we wish our parents had considered when naming us — except for a lovely anthem by Camera Obscura, most “Margaret” songs are about prostitutes. So, for all you rocker parents-to-be, we’ve assembled a guide to what different names mean according to rock songs. Flip through our glossary after the jump. [Edit: This post will be a book soon! Check out Rock and Roll Baby Names on April 3rd.]
Adam Prone to depression and raising unruly sons. According to: Blink 182, Jackson Browne, Bruce Springsteen
Allison, Alison Marries unhappily and prefers festive dresses, an excellent blues musician According to: Pixies, Elvis Costello
Amy Far out, fab, and insane, and God may shine through you to Ryan Adams. Tends to be late meeting people. According to: Elton John, Ryan Adams, Britney Spears
Andy Has a thong rind, but it’s the wrong kind. Doesn’t notice when summer ends. Also, is a star. According to: Frank Zappa, Neko Case, The Killers
Anna, Ana A heartbreaker with breezy charms. Also happens to be Frank Black’s fave. According to: The Beatles, The Microphones, Pixies
Angela A political prisoner who has the world’s attention, gives Nikki Sixx something to believe in. According to: John Lennon, Motley Crue
Barbara Warm and lovely, likes to rock and reel According to: Frank Sinatra, The Beach Boys
Ben A good friend, weird and wonderful, but never gets laid According to: The Rapture, Michael Jackson, Elton John
Betty Rock steady, and always ready, but has unruly children According to: Ram Jam
Billy A fugitive running from a string of murders or a straight-A student who develops PTSD. According to: Bob Dylan, Lou Reed
Candy Beautiful, from the north, possibly a whore, has come to hate her body According to: Iggy Pop, The Velvet Underground
Caroline Sweet, prefers short hair when older, and, unfortunately, is the reason for the word “bitch.” According to: Outkast, Neil Diamond, The Beach Boys
Charlie An industrial weed-dealer, rebuked by his friends, but does truck in style along the avenue. According to: Ween, The Grateful Dead
Clementine Sleeps in her overalls, sweet and hilarious, but can’t swim According to: The Decemberists, Elliott Smith, Johnny Cash
Cody Gram Parsons wants to run away with you, but Mogwai doesn’t think you care. According to: Mogwai, The Flying Burrito Brothers
Daniel, Dan Enjoys traveling to Spain, drinking and fighting, and wandering the railroad tracks According to: Elton John, Modest Mouse, Bishop Allen
Delilah Irresistible but moody. A little bit of a psycho, in fact. Loves bright lights and big cities According to: Queen, The Dresden Dolls, Plain White T’s
Diana/Diane An American kid who’s kind of a groupie. Or maybe a model. Or maybe she just gets murdered. According to: John Mellencamp, Michael Jackson, Husker Du
Ed/Edward A lush who has a dope pad, but has another face on the back of his head According to: Ice-T, Tom Waits
Emily An astronomer. No one brings her roses, but John Cale would love to have tea with her. According to: Joanna Newsom, John Cale, The Zombies
Emma A compulsive liar with big legs According to: Frank Zappa, Bon Iver
Eric A sailor who likes to get high and fuck the future According to: Sonic Youth, Tori Amos
Frank Walks on water but sinks, drawn to crazy women According to: Tom Waits
Freddie Has balls of steel, and a dance named after him According to: Metric, Chubby Checker
George Owns a killing stick and knows how to use it, kind of dumb According to: Van Morrison, Lou Reed
Gloria About 5 foot 4, comes around at midnight, leans on parking meters in a red dress According to: Patti Smith, Van Morrison
Grace Travels outside of karma, finds good in everything, a good listener According to: U2
Harry If a man: armed to the teeth; If a lady: a horny two-eyed bitch According to: Bauhaus, The Gorillaz
Henrietta Fine-looking and always on the move, buried by your dog According to: John Fogerty, Tracy and the Plastics
Irene Capable of driving men to suicide, hard to wake up According to: Hank Thompson, Ry Cooder
Isis A mystical child, the strong and silent type According to: Bob Dylan
Isobel, Isabell Owner of a wax museum, married to herself According to: Of Montreal, Bjork
Jack A kindly drug dealer who lives happily on the Isle of Man According to: The Who, Billy Joel
James Needs lulling to sleep, a heartbreaker According to: Camera Obscura,James Taylor
Jane Frugal, addicted, works as a clerk, forgets about the little people when she moves into high society, is gonna kick tomorrow According to: Rod Stewart, The Velvet Underground, Jane’s Addiction
Jenny A daredevil on the motorcycle, likes to spin around. Oh, and everyone knows your number. According to: The Mountain Goats, The Sonics, Tommy Tutone
Jimmy A Bollywood star who leads ladies on and enjoys pyrotechnics According to: M.I.A., The White Stripes
Joanna, Johanna Reliable. Plus, Bob Dylan likes you better than Louise According to: Bob Dylan, Kool and the Gang
Joe, Joey Shot his cheatin’ spouse, fled to Mexico, commonly known as the king of the streets According to: Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan
John, Johnny Feels conflicted about war, illiterate but awesome at the guitar According to: Neil Young, Chuck Berry
Judy A teenage rebel/runt who went to Berlin to join the escapades, dreams of horses, makes those dreams come true According to: The Ramones, Belle and Sebastian, Elvis Presley
Julia, Julie Loves the ocean, tends to be in long distance relationships According to: The Beatles, Fountains of Wayne
Karen A librarian who claims society is just a fever dream, tend to lose her mind but keep her looks According to: Sonic Youth, The Go-Betweens
Kate, Katie Gets fan e-mails from Prague, plays “Wipeout” on the drums, wears the same thing every day According to: Kimya Dawson, Ben Folds Five
Laura Likes to ride on trains, play hard to get According to:, Scissor Sisters, Frank Sinatra
Lisa Alternately sad and nasty, object of Rivers Cuomo’s lust, needs to be alone at night According to: Prince, Weezer, The Velvet Underground
Lola Dances at clubs, gets whatever she wants, possibly a transvestite According to: The Kinks, Barry Manilow
Louie A sailor, doomed to cry According to: Bon Jovi, The Kingsmen
Louise Sweet but plain, a redhead, melodramatic, serves breakfast in bed According to: Orange Juice, John Lee Hooker
Lucille, Lucy Has shape-shifting eyes, jilts men at the altar According to: The Beatles, Little Richard
Maggie A wildcat in the sack, but a terrible girlfriend. Owns an exploitative farm. According to: Bob Dylan, Rod Stewart
Maria, Marie Has a lovely smile but won’t come in out of the rain According to: Blondie, Rod Stewart
Martha Silly, but fond of poetry According to: Tom Waits, The Beatles
Max Anxious, funky, murders people with a silver hammer According to: Prince, The Beatles
Michael Excellent at dancing, a casualty of war According to: Franz Ferdinand, The Coral
Mona The girl next door, tastes like fine wine According to: The Beach Boys, Bo Diddley
Natalie Easily influenced by comments in Soho, has a tremor According to: The Eels, The Killers
Nikki A sex fiend who bathes in purple rain, emits sunshine from her face According to: Prince, Burt Bacharach
Paul Either a spirited horse or a nervous music manager According to: Eminem, The Beastie Boys
Peg, Peggy An aspiring actress with yellow hair, runs down stairs According to: Steely Dan, Bob Dylan
Prudence Pretty, but kind of an indoor kid According to: The Beatles
Rachel Attracted to men with low IQs and serious musical chops, good at screaming According to:Eric Clapton, Ben Folds Five
Rosie Evasive by nature, cracklin’, a store-bought woman According to: Neil Diamond, Tom Waits
Ruby Likes to play hard to get, has eyes like flames, lives in a particularly verdant area According to: Ray Charles, The Kaiser Chiefs, Van Morrison
Sadie A sexy rule breaker who buries bones to gnaw on later According to: The Beatles, Joanna Newsom
Sally Likes joyriding, should avoid going downtown According to: The Jaynetts, Wilson Pickett
Sam Has difficulty with authority, sends telegrams According to: Johnny Cash, T-Rex
Sara A poet, a virgin angel, and an avid mountain climber According to: Bob Dylan, G. Love & the Special Sauce, Fleetwood Mac
Stephanie Fearless, called “Alaska” for short According to: The Velvet Underground
Steve, Steven Likes older women, is kind of a wuss According to: Alice Cooper, Rilo Kiley
Sue If a boy: gets made fun of, takes refuge in guitar music. If a girl: a player, has a nice smile According to: Johnny Cash, Leif Garrett
Tom, Tommy Destined to own a profitable camp or become an astronaut According to: The Who, David Bowie
Tony Rides the bike like a champ, has superhuman powers According to: The Pixies
Veronica Carefree when she’s younger, haunted by her past lovers when she’s older According to: Elvis Costello
Victor Flees from the law, often consulted about life matters, possibly a saint According to: Blondie, Prince
Wendy Born to run, runs out on her boyfriends, thinks she’s fabulous According to: The Cure, Bruce Springsteen, The Beach Boys
Have more? Add them in the comments!