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A Metalhead’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

By all indications, Valentine’s Day is the least metal holiday possible. You’re reveling in all the icy, cavernous gloom of mid-winter and then BOOM: frilly pink hearts and stuffed puppies everywhere. It’s enough to make you want to tear shit up, even more than usual. But chin up, metalheads: St. Valentine himself was martyred in a totally gruesome manner (beheading!), and the original pagan holiday Lupercalia, pre-heart-shaped cards and overpriced prix fixe dinners, was partially in honor of the she-wolf that suckled Romulus and Remus, founders of Rome. Wolves, goats, and revelry? Maybe Valentine’s Day can be metal after all. Click through for our guide to celebrating V-day the metal way.


Valentine’s Cards

A crucial and terrible component of every Valentine’s Day is the valentine itself. Might we suggest these incredibly badass black metal greeting cards from Dark & Somber greetings? With such greetings as “If I had a heart I would give it to you,” and “I hate everyone… except for you” they’re sweet enough to give to your non-metalhead valentine but cool enough to frame and keep for yourself.

Sweets for your blackened sweetheart

Candy is delicious, but those tiny conversation hearts? “Text me” isn’t exactly the most metal sentiment. Luckily, Bittersweets provide you with some candy with a little more bite. Our favorites are “Infin8 Agony” and “No Mon no Fun.” Otherwise, there’s always the custom cake route…

Gifts

For her:

If you’re looking for a Valentine’s Day gift for your metalhead in arms, avoid stuffed things (unless they’re bleeding) and flowers (unless they’re dead or black.) As for jewelry, well, you could always go with something like this Alice Cooper pendant from Etsy seller Agony’s Decay. Other options: Nosferatu necklace and a gold skull ring.

For Him:

Aside from the newest Burzum LP — a good choice for a lover of either gender who is metal-inclined — these personalized guitar picks from Etsy’s sterlingnstones might be just the thing. Just put on your favorite Iron Maiden lyric and voila!

Valentine’s Day movie

Avoid the usual Valentine’s day claptrap at your local box office and rent something a little less cheesy — like black metal documentary Until the Light Takes Us, or maybe a classic horror movie. We love the old-school B-movies with monsters, but we confess a soft spot for some more recent kitschy horror as well, like the original My Bloody Valentine.

Are you celebrating the metal way? Got suggestions? Let us know in the comments?


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