Reports that your hubby plays for the other team got you down? Loyal Nancy Grace viewers won’t give your show a chance? Barbara Walters put you on her shit list via a successful public memoir? Start a blog! *Star has-been Jones has done just that, but in an over-the-top, narcissistic way that almost defies snark. Almost.
Jones launched Positively Star as a gift to herself for her 47th birthday. In her own words: “I vow to only elevate those thoughts, words and deeds of my gender and my race that are examples of excellence and something we can all aspire to!” You go, girl.
Jones breaks down her blog week in saccharine, kill-me-now categories that we will consider ripping off if you ever make us mad: “Mentor” Monday, Tuesday “Triumphs,” “Wonderful” Wednesday, “Tell It Like It Is” Thursday, “Friendship” Friday, “Satisfied” Saturday, “Simply Blessed” Sunday. Because, you know, we totally need our daily dose of Star Jones.
Find excerpts of a few of our favorite crazy posts below. You know, in case you actually refuse to click through to her site on principle.
Jones 47th B-Day post gets a bit morbid after admitting she wasn’t supposed to live past 20 due to an inoperable tumor in her chest. “Eight weeks of radiation, five days a week followed. I graduated from college on time, went on to law school and began living my dreams. My thyroid was destroyed in the process which caused me to gain weight over the years… but other than a scar down the center of my chest; you’d never know I got a death sentence over 25 years ago. How good is God!”
Star loses it on her “anonymous” commenters, comparing them to KKK members. “Let me just tell it like it is: all of you anonymous stone throwers might as well be wearing a white sheet…(and I don’t care what color your skin is under it)… because you’re a bunch of cowards. Take off your sheet, come into the light of day and stand by what you think. That cone head with the eyes cut out is a terrible fashion statement in this day and age…don’t you think?” Wait, maybe we should be posting this anonymously… Star scares us. See: Star Jones gets prank called.
One “Wonderful” Wednesday, Star talks about being the bestest godmother ever. “When they asked me to be her godmother, they said that they knew she would be ‘safe’ if she had me in her life. What an amazing gift to give someone. We claim to be friends with soooo many people, but only a true friend trusts you with their most precious asset; their child.”
And last, but not least, Star’s “Thought of the Day” is: “Humble is the right look. It goes with everything.” Which leaves us with no choice but to post this clip of Joy Behar hilariously calling out Star on her self-centeredness.
* We know that the photo accompanying this post is beyond old. It just makes us LOL.