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10 Satisfyingly Grumpy TV Characters

Ah, summer. For all its good qualities — the sunshine, the free concerts, the easily obtained popsicles — it does have its downsides. Read: notoriously limited TV options. And strangely, we’ve found that what we’ve really been missing isn’t the intrigue, the musical numbers or even our favorite heroes, but all the witty one liners and cranky back talk of all our favorite TV grumps. Granted, it may be more efficient just to have Ed O’Neill move in with us, but since that’s not an option (call us, Ed!), we’ve created this little roundup. Click through for our list of some of our favorite grouchy, sarcastic and ornery TV characters of all time, with a few quotes to hold you over until fall, and let us know which of your favorites we’ve missed in the comments!

Ron Swanson, Parks & Recreation

“This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up and their ideas are terrible and it brings city hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.”

Sue Slyvester, Glee

“All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off. So here’s the dream, the Friday after Christmas, which I have off, if you’re hideous stay at home. Spend the entire day watching home videos of a time when you weren’t too repulsive for me to ever want to look at.”

Jay Pritchett, Modern Family

“Twelve times a year I get sausages, that’s it. Now what am I going to do until June?”

Archie Bunker, All in the Family

“Everyone I like stays the hell away from me.”

Fred Sanford, Sanford and Son

“It’s time now that someone took that loudmouth Lou down a few pegs. When I get through with him, his hide’s gonna be hurtin’, his shot’s gonna be put, and his broad’s gonna be jumped.”

Red Forman, That 70’s Show

“You morons just hung a vacancy sign on your asses and my foot’s looking for a room!”

Dr. House, House

“I thought I’d get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual.”

Mr. Heckles, Friends

“Quiet, you’re disturbing my birds!”

Al Bundy, Married…With Children

“Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer.”

Oscar the Grouch, Sesame Street

“I don’t like public television!”

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