10 Iconic ’80s Movies That Are Actually Terrible


Three years before Top Gun, Simpson and Bruckheimer found their first major hit in the story of a pretty Pittsburgh welder who moonlights as a dancer in one of those improbable movie nudie bars where the girls don’t actually get naked, but the working-class patrons applaud and cheer politely anyway. The picture’s level of originality is on display from the opening sequence, in which the welder takes off the face mask and… shakes her hair back! Holy crap, that there welder is a girl! The screenplay by Thomas Hedley Jr. and king of high-concept junk Joe Eszterhas (Showgirls, Basic Instinct, Sliver) is loaded with stock characters, overdone situations, and casual misogyny, stopping occasionally for treacly “character moments.” “Some nights I just can’t wait to get up there,” our heroine says softly, a big tear rolling down each cheek, “just so I can disappear.” And then she takes her boyfriends’s hand and puts it inside her shirt. What a feeling, indeed.