A Few Compelling Reasons to Shun Fast Food [Foodie News]

Oprah pisses off the the entire Food Movement: Earlier this week, Oprah teamed up with KFC to offer America a downloadable coupon for two free pieces of the company’s new grilled chicken product, setting off shockwaves of angry eco-bloggers. Silver lining? A possible cage fight between Oprah and Alice Waters. All she needs to do is throw down the gauntlet, baby, and it’s on. [via The Ethicurean]

KFC pisses off hungry New Yorkers:Aforementioned, Oprah endorsed, free chicken runs out, leading to riots. “‘When I finally gave up (after 30 minutes of arguing with other customers) a small RIOT started going on outside the store with people screaming at the manager.’ For those of you thinking, ‘Jesus people. It’s just KFC chicken,’ we’ll note it’s two pieces of chicken plus two sides plus a biscuit, a meal that is apparently worthy of complete societal meltdown.” Agreed. [via Eater]

Wait, is that a…?: The most horrifying “there’s a foreign object in my fast food” story we’ve ever read. [via via The Consumerist]

“Romulans: Huge Drunks Fond of Tart Candy”: We cannot think of anything nerdier than Serious Eats’ Primer to Star Trek food and drink. On that note, you’ll be able to find us in our parents’ basement drinking Romulan Ale and watching the box set on the night before opening day. [via Serious Eats]

Renegade cow in Queens: Earlier this week a cow escaped from a Queen’s slaughter house and ran a few blocks before getting caught. Happily, she was adopted by an organic vegetable farmer who does not plan to eat her. Taking advantage of an opportunity to make the truly offensive puns for which they are famous, the New York Post said both that the story was “moo-ving” and that the cow and her new bovine companion on the farm will be like “Romeo and Mooliet.” Wow. [via NYP]

Whole chicken in a can is gross: As one might imagine, a full chicken carcass in a can is a nightmarish food product that should not be consumed anywhere outside a bomb shelter. A woman named Tracy from something called “I Hate My Message Board” proves it by taking the time to buy, prepare and document her experience with canned chicken. She wants you to know that she did not feed it to her children. [via Food Network Humor]

If all these processed food stories have scared the living Big Mac out of you: Check out Bryant Terry’s recipe for Jamaican Veggie Patties on 101 Cookbooks. His nouveau crunchy approach to cooking will leave you with minimal guilt about your carbon footprint and your complicity in factory farming.  Plus, there’s a relatively small chance that you’ll find…oh…say…a rotting snake head on your plate. [via 101 Cookbooks]