There’s no denying that ’90s television was chock-full of dope fictional bands, and it’s about time we cranked up our nostalgia and got jiggy with the fake musical groups of yesteryear. Some were boy bands, others were punks, but most just settled into their oversize, unwashed flannel shirts with some bangin’ alt-rock vibes. Remember that time Little Pete and meter-man Mel formed the Blowholes? Or when Doug and Skeeter ran into the Beets at the Honker Burger? What about that time Jordan Catalano, like, serenaded Angela Chase with that song written about her hair, or something? …Not! (Hold up, did we even use that right? It’s been a while.) Regardless, check out some totally fake ’90s TV bands after the jump, home-skillets. They’ve missed you.
Frozen Embryos, My So-Called Life
Excuse our bold statement, but Jordan Catalano was definitely the hunkiest illiterate guitar player to ever grace your ’90s television. Like Angela Chase, we enjoyed the way he leaned “against stuff,” but mostly we just loved that Frozen Embryos’ elusive lead singer, Tino, never showed up for anything, giving good ol’ Jared Leto ample time to — y’know, sing about his car and cover the Ramones.
The Blowholes, The Adventures of Pete & Pete
Got a favorite song but no way to hear it? Why not round up your local math teacher, a meter man, and your resident Clem to form a band and play it yourself? Brace yourself for the Blowholes, Little Pete’s masterpiece of a garage band from Season 1 of The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Want to see ’em rock out? Work it, Miss Fingerwood. Never forget: “Heart times soul equals rock and roll.”
Mystik Spiral, Daria
What would a ’90s TV band roundup be without some ’90s cartoons? Here we find Mystik Spiral, the band led by Daria’s beloved Trent Lane. With brilliant lyrics like, “You ate up all my kibble, now my coat’s no longer vibrant,” who could blame her? Don’t get too attached to this band’s name — they’re thinking of changing it.
Zack Attack, Saved by the Bell
Are you and your high school chums in need of an epic anthem to honor your friendship’s longevity? Go ahead and play “Friends Forever” at your next reunion. That should do the trick. In the meantime, enjoy this peek into Zack Morris’s unconscious as he dreams up a Zack Attack reunion show. How far in the future do you think this concert is meant to be? Before or after Dustin Diamond’s deliberate sex tape, Screeched: Saved by the Smell, in 2006? Gross.
Mission Control/Creation, Freaks and Geeks
The short-lived band from this short-lived 1999 series never settled on a consistent name, but we do know that they’re definitely not called Anarchy’s Child. Here’s Jason Segel, Seth Rogen, James Franco, and a Mighty Duck covering “Sunshine of Your Love” in Freaks and Geeks. You’re welcome.
M.A.D.E. in Paradise, The Secret World of Alex Mack
Have you been hit by a chemical truck? Did you subsequently find yourself with weird superpowers? Are you in need of a humbling night of rock ‘n’ roll? Throw on some stellar go-go boots, form a band called M.A.D.E. in Paradise, and try your hand at an open mic night — just be sure not to turn into a puddle of water on stage. Oh, and note George Mack’s use of “phat” at the end of this clip. Nineties-tastic!
The Beets, Doug
What’s your first thought upon hearing the word “tofu”? If it’s “killer,” “oooh-eeeh-oooh,” or “the Beets,” you’ve come to the right place. Here we find Doug’s, Skeeter’s, and any ’90s Nickelodeon aficionado’s favorite Beatles rip-off band, the Beets. We definitely would’ve weaseled our way into this concert alongside Doug and Skeeter, had we been cartoon kids in Bluffington. Alas, we should be so lucky.
Jesse and the Rippers, Full House
When it came to the Full House adult cast, Uncle Jesse was all that. And just as we’ll always resent our inability to check out the fictional Smash Club, we’ll always wish to see Jesse and the Rippers live… preferably at Disney World. Honorable Full House mention: Human Pudding.
Dingoes Ate My Baby, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dingoes Ate My Baby, otherwise known as Oz’s and Devon’s band, had quite a few noteworthy jams throughout Buffy the Vampire Slayer — that is, until Seth Green left Sunnydale to go do Seth Green things. Or, you know, werewolf things. What was your favorite song? “Shadows” or “Dilate“? What about “Pain“? So deep, those Dingoes.
This ridiculous fake TV band emerged around the turn of the millennium, but they certainly encapsulated everything we loved and hated (but mostly loved) about ’90s boy bands. Without them, how would we know that U + Me = Us? And that the hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff? At last, for those who haven’t heard — 2gether is getting back together. It’s about time.