It was announced to today that Billy Joel and his third wife, Katie Lee Joel, have decided to call it quits after just under five years of matrimony. While we don’t think this comes as a huge shock to anyone, seeing as  27-year-old Katie is 33 years younger than her husband, but still… can this guy do nothing right? Not only did he get divorced from supermodel Christie Brinkley, it was rumored that the split was due to infidelities on his part. Who cheats on a supermodel?

Instead of learning from his mistakes, his errors in judgment seem to have gotten worse as he’s gotten older. But perhaps there’s a method to this relationship madness hidden in his earlier lyrics? Read on to see what we discovered.

Example #1: “The Entertainer” (1974)
I am the entertainer
Been all around the world
I’ve played all kinds of palaces
And laid all kinds of girls
I can’t remember faces
I don’t remember names
Ah, but what the hell
You know it’s just as well
‘Cause after a while and a thousand miles
It all becomes the same

The gist: I am a drunk mess (I guess some things never change).

Example #2: “An Innocent Man” (1983)
I know you’re only protecting yourself
I know you’re thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I’m not above
Making up for the love
You’ve been denying you could ever feel
I’m not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get look at the young
I’m only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

The gist: I may want you to think I’m an innocent man, but really, I’m taking advantage of you like everyone else — I’m just better at hiding it (AKA by putting it in my lyrics).

Example #3: Christie Lee (1983)
She was a nice piece of music
She had a rhythm all her own
He blew a solo like a blind man
She really dug his saxophone
She wanted more than just an encore
And he could play in every key
He left the stage and packed his alto
And took it home with Christie Lee

Oh I heard the man knew “the Bird” like the bible
You know the man could blow an educated axe
He couldn’t see that Christie Lee was a woman
Who didn’t need another lover
All she wanted was the sax
It took a while for him to notice
It took a while for him to see
He was never in control here
It was always Christie Lee

The gist: This is basically just creepy because he wrote it before he met either Christie Brinkley or Katie Lee.  He made up a woman named Christie Lee whom he falls in love with under false pretenses and then breaks his heart. We think he should have listened to his incredibly in-tune/ future-predicting subconscious.

Example #4: “A Matter of Trust” (1986)
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will it’s just a question of when
I’ve lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won’t happen to us
Because it’s always been a matter of trust

The gist: All burning passionate love dies, except with the woman in the song. Because they trust each other. Apparently he has yet to find this one. Stay away from the fire! Away from the fire!

Example #5: “I Go To Extremes” (1989)
Sometimes I’m tired, sometimes I’m shot
Sometimes I don’t know how much more I’ve got
Maybe I’m headed over the hill
Maybe I’ve set myself up for the kill
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will

The gist: I keep breaking my heart, and I’m not sure if it’s my fault, but it probably is (we agree).