It was announced today that courtesy of Germany’s Mahr’s Bräu brewery acclaimed metal overlords Mastodon will have a limited-edition beer named after them. Shortly thereafter an unexpected storm of *press releases flooded Flavorpill HQ, announcing future band-product collaborations. They are as follows:
-Iron and Wine has inspired a limited edition series of “Cheese and Grapes.”
-Wavves is reportedly selling miniature surfboards made of pure, Grade-A dank.
-Vampire Weekend is growing organic garlic necklaces for their fans. “It just made sense,” says lead singer Ezra Keonig.
-Spoon is selling forks. Always expect the unexpected.
-Mew is in the process of securing a commercial deal for the upcoming Pokemon release.
-Sunset Rubdown recently announced their plans to team up with KY Jelly.
-Noah and the Whale is writing a children’s book produced by Wes Anderson.
-Phoenix is in the studio recording voice-overs for the Muzzy remake.
-Kanye West‘s faux-internship at the GAP has allowed the rapper to submit his “I’m the Best at Being Humble” slogan to their line of faux-ironic t-shirts.
-Franz Ferdinand presents “Spark Notes: WWI”
-Little Boots debuted “Little Shoe” at the Sketchers “It’s the S” Expo last week.
-Passion Pit bottles the first case of “Love, Hype, and Synthesizers,” a cologne/aphrodisiac for men who would like to be buzz-worthy.
-Lil Wayne‘s “Auto-Teeth” toothpaste: Coming to stores near you!
-The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are sponsoring the production of D.A.R.E.’s “No No No’s,” an instructional pamphlet that warns teens against the dangers of “boozing and loozing.”
-Animal Collective has given the word of approval for Scuffy’s “Optical Illusion Leashes,” mostly to tame rabid fans and PETA members who uniformed about the band’s activities.
-Radiohead is giving everything away for free. No “name your price.” Guitars, Thom Yorke, royalties, you name it — it’s all just free.
-Death Cab for Cutie released an iPhone App that displays “cute puppies,” fearing that their audience gets too “sad” and “emotional” during concerts.
-Neutral Milk Hotel has put out their first new release in over a decade: Neutral Coffee Mate. ZERO calories, baby!!!
* These are fake. But we wish they were real — especially “Auto-teeth.”