The Rudest Letters from Celebrities to their Fans

From James Thurber to a young boy asking for help on a school project in 1958:

Mr Robert Leifert
New York City, New York

January 4, 1958

Dear Robert,

Since a hundred schoolchildren a year write me letters like yours—some writers get a thousand—the problem of what to do about such classroom “projects” has become a serious one for all of us. If a writer answered all of you he would get nothing else done. When I was a baby goat I had to do my own research on projects, and I enjoyed doing it. I never wrote an author for his autograph or photograph in my life. Photographs are for movie actors to send to girls. Tell your teacher I said so, and please send me her name.

One of the things that discourage us writers is the fact that 90 per cent of you children write wholly, or partly, illiterate letters, carelessly typed. You yourself write “clarr” for “class” and that’s a honey, Robert, since s is next to a, and r is on the line above. Most schoolchildren in America would do a dedication like the following (please find the mistakes in it and write to me about them):

To Miss Effa G Burns
Without who’s help
this book could never
of been finished it,
is dedicated with
gartitude by it’s
arthur.

Show that to your teacher and tell her to show it to her principal, and see if they can find the mistakes.

Just yesterday a letter came in from a girl your age in South Carolina asking for biographical material and photograph. That is not the kind of education they have in Russia, we are told, because it’s too much like a hobby or waste of time. What do you and your classmates want to be when you grow up—collectors? Then who is going to help keep the United States ahead of Russia in science engineering, and the arts?

Please answer this letter. If you don’t I’ll write to another pupil.

Sincerely yours,
James Thurber

[via Letters of Note]

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Can't believe "peace/love" Ringo didn't make the list: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpd24yVy5C4

I don't think most of these letters are rude so much as eccentric and/or drug induced. Really, I found the form letter to be the most worst.

The idiots commenting above all deserve to be treated rudely.

It might not mean much to Tommy but it's the earth for the person requesting. He's right about the timing though.

Was Moz quoting Bowie ("Ashes To Ashes")?

I am, myself, the proud recipient of a rude bit of advice from Harlan Ellison. Unfortunately, it was delivered in person so I have only the fond memory. And the smug satisfaction of finding the exact same "offensive" turn of phrase in one of his own works (unfortunately, years too late to call him on it).

Billy Joe and James Thurber's letters weren't rude. After all, a mother who has time to complain to a musician about the music he/she makes whilst allowing her 8 year old child to listen to material clearly not suited for them is irresponsibility on her part, not the musician's. Much like parents who let children play mature video games and then lobby around excuses as 'sex and violence' is ruining the children. Similarly, a report is supposed to be a work done by the self. Of course, Thurber could have phrased his argument better being the writer that he is but the fact is nonetheless adamant; do your work yourself. You don't write a school report on the lifestyle of Greek nobles by visiting ancient Greece, you research the facts. The other ones were offensive, yes; although its hard to take Hunter S. Thompson's letter offensively because he was already out of his head despite being a fantastic writer.