Every Friday here at Flavorwire, we like to gather up the week’s new movie trailers, give them a look-see, and rank them from worst to best — while taking a guess or two about what they might tell us (or hide from us) about the movies they’re promoting. We’ve got nine new trailers for you this week, featuring Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts, Nicolas Cage, Rachel McAdams, Jennifer Garner, Hugh Jackman, John Cusack, Olivia Wilde, Noomi Rapace, Vanessa Hudgens, Ty Burrell, and Rob Corddry; check ‘em all out after the jump, and share your thoughts in the comments.
The Frozen Ground/Stolen
It’s Con Air reunion week here at the ol’ trailer park, and we issue a challenge to you, the viewer: which of these films looks worse? The Frozen Ground reunites co-stars Nicolas Cage and John Cusack in an aggressively generic serial-killer thriller (based, apparently, on the true story of the Green River Killer); both men look bored out of their skulls, as if they could barely be bothered to stop by the set and pick up their paychecks, so the only real interest is provided by a big-screen turn for Breaking Bad’s Dean Norris and a Anne Hathaway-style, holy-cow-she-is-not-doing-Disney-movies-anymore appearance by Vanessa Hudgens, who plays a stripper. This sales teaser gives us plenty of opportunity to gawk at that, so we’ll give it a slight edge over the trailer for Stolen, which returns Cage to Con Air director Simon West (fresh off The Expendables 2). That one gives us a premise swiped from Taken (by way of Ocean’s 12?), a comically toughed-up Josh Lucas, and a voice-over track that sounds like the trailer’s 15-year-old editor was trying to do his best deep, grown-up voice. Last week, when we gently suggested that Mr. Cage might consider an early retirement, Roger Ebert tweeted, “I strongly object to the inclusion of Nicolas Cage.” Care to reconsider, Roger?