Summer may be over in the real world, but in the Hamptons it’s still in full swing. Revenge has decamped to the far reaches of Long Island for yet another season of soapy high-society sabotage, as Emily Thorne (née Amanda Clarke) searches for the truth about her family and rains vengeance on those who betrayed them. This year, we’re keeping track of her quest — and the schemes of her friends, allies, and sworn enemies — by declaring winners and losers for each episode. Discover who came out on top in last night’s episode, which had a more complicated paternity test plot that an episode of Maury, after the jump.
Victoria: It didn’t look good for the Grayson matriarch for much of the episode, after Charlotte’s drained trust fund prevented her from paying off the white-haired man and endangered her life. But Victoria always has a scheme, and this one — which involved Conrad full-on punching her in the face and handcuffing her to the radiator — succeeded in a big way. Look out Hamptons: Mama’s home!
Charlotte: Yes, for a while she had to deal with the faux-revelation that her mother really didn’t care about her, after all. But all’s well that ends well (for the time being…). Her quack doctor exposed, Charlotte is out of the hospital, Daniel’s signed over his half of the inheritance to her, and she’s begun to understand why Victoria pretended to reject her.
Daniel: Jeez, nobody tells Daniel anything. His mom’s alive, his dad is lying about basically everything, and Ashley is a big ol’ spy for Conrad, too. But even though he’s a bit slow to catch on, Daniel is kind of a hero in this episode, confronting his father about Charlotte’s trust fund despite Ashley’s attempts to derail him and allowing Emily to manipulate him into rescuing his sister from the hospital. He’s finally starting to wake up, and it will be interesting to see how he fits into the story once he realizes the extent of his mom and dad’s schemes.
Conrad: He can’t be thrilled Victoria’s still alive, but after an episode full of ups and downs, we know that by plundering Charlotte’s trust, he’s managed to get Grayson Global back on track. And now he has an excuse to give his kids for why he needed the money: It was ransom! He was saving Mommy’s life! Also, the pleasure he took in hitting Victoria? Ugh. We’re still wincing.
Emily: All that plotting for nothing! Our antiheroine got massively screwed this week, using Amanda’s pregnancy to catalyze the Charlotte-Victoria rift, only to discover she’s been out-schemed by Mama Grayson — who isn’t merely not fleeing the country, but has actually returned to the Hamptons, where she’s received to great relief by her children. And then there’s the white-haired man, Gordon Murphy, who would have just killed her if Aiden hadn’t shown up. Also? Nolan is so right about Emily lying to Amanda about the paternity results: It’s just dark that she’s treating romantic relationships the same way as her master revenge plan. But hey, at least she realizes her mom might still be alive?
Nolan: Not only is he thoroughly tangled in Emily’s latest high-stakes drama, but the company that made him a bazillionaire is getting audited. We have no idea where this subplot about his accounting advisor turned CFO is going — is she bound to get wrapped up in the revenge game? Is she already somebody’s mole? Could the connection between her and Nolan actually get romantic? Whatever’s happening, we know better than to assume we’ve seen the end of Padma. Meanwhile, Emily has also kicked Nolan out of her house because she’s sick of his moral judgments, so now he’s a homeless bazillionaire. Who knew it was so difficult for the .001% to put a roof over their heads?
Amanda: The paternity test results have cemented Jack’s place in her life — but Emily’s lie that baby isn’t really his will surely take its toll.
Jack: He loves Emily, who is really Amanda, but now he knows Fake Amanda is having his baby. Except she doesn’t think it’s actually his baby. Countdown until this ends in disaster.
Ashley: Now that we know she’s only playing the devoted girlfriend to spy on and manipulate Daniel for Conrad (any maybe also marry into that Grayson money), her failure to defuse Daniel’s anger at his dad suggests she’s quickly losing ground. Plus, with Victoria back, she’s no longer lady of the house.
Declan: So emotional, so stupid, so misguided in his mission to free up some space for Jack and Amanda’s baby. No way your friend who wants to pay you $500 to hide some stolen jewelry is setting you up. Not a chance!
Photo credits: Colleen Hayes/ABC and Vivian Zink/ABC