Fall is in the air, and that means, once again, it’s that time of year when nothing’s safe from being pumpkinized. This year, the endless flurry of pumpkin- and pumpkin-spice-flavored goods and services seems to have gotten a bit out of hand. The popularity of Starbucks’ autumnally emblematic Pumpkin Spice Latte has ushered in an anything-goes mentality among marketing strategists, leading some to compare the newfound ubiquity of pumpkin to bacon, others to remind us of the oft-forgotten history of the pumpkin-spice trade, and yet other rabid partisans to come to its defense.
But whether we actually like pumpkin or we’re simply addicted to corn syrup and pumpkin pie spice seems beside the point; there are certain things that are just better off free from pumpkin tyranny. We’ve put together a list of some of the stranger manifestations of the pumpkin craze we’ve seen this season. Stock up while these last, because it’s only a matter of time before all the candy canes and “holiday spice” products take over.
The BK Pumpkin
Pumpkin Pie Spice Pringles
The Huffington Post reports that their taste testers were struck with a variety of reactions to Pringles’ new line of potato chips, ranging from “surprisingly not revolted” to a “horrible abomination to humanity.”
Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts
Though maybe not as outlandish as some others on this list, we can’t imagine these limited-edition Pop Tarts as being anything but oppressively sweet.
Pumpkin Spice Lasagna
Rossi Pasta offers a line of pumpkin spice pasta, bridging the disgusting gap between an Italian classic and a fall favorite.
Pumpkin Pie Vodka
Not only is there just absolutely nothing good about this idea, but apparently it doesn’t even taste like pumpkin pie.
Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows
According to The FW, the pumpkin flavor is “implied.” Aside from “snacking,” we’re not sure when the need for pumpkin spice marshmallows would ever arise.
Pumpkin Spice Bagels
With everybody jumping on the pumpkin spice bandwagon, it may seem only natural that teas from companies like Bigelow and Stash would follow suit. And although tea and spice often go hand in hand, we just sort of doubt this tastes very good without all the inhuman quantities of sugar that every other pumpkin-flavored thing seems to have.
Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin Body Lotion
Why people seem to want to smell like food, we’re not entirely certain. But if you happen to be one of those people who, for whatever reason, feels the need to make yourself more appetizing, this pumpkin body lotion from Bath & Body Works is probably the way to go.
Pumpkin Flavored Dog Treats
Maybe they’re tasty…we’re not going to find out. But either way, despite what Trader Joe’s tells you, the odds are pretty good that your dog doesn’t know or care about seasonally themed food.
Pumpkin Spice Soymilk
Say what you will about soymilk, but Silk’s seasonal pumpkin spice flavor doesn’t seem to be doing it any favors.
Maple Pumpkin Air Fresheners
Thanks to Glade’s rather extensive collection of maple pumpkin-scented air fresheners, no longer will your home smell embarrassingly unseasonal.