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50 of the Greatest Jon Stewart Quotes

“My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that’s what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.”

“Originally we were going to title it The Daily Show With Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays Off, but it was too long.”

“The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.”

“If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies.”

“Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center.”