Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer:
Stop. Just stop.
The exiles of Soderbergh, Carax, and Lynch seem particularly cruel given some of the filmmakers that have shown no inclination to stop making movies, no matter how loudly we’ve pleaded. Take, for example, Mr. Friedberg and Mr. Seltzer, who parlayed a writing credit on Scary Movie into one of the least distinguished filmographies in movie history: Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Vampires Suck. That last title, their most recent, hit back in 2010 — but don’t worry, bad taste has prevailed. Friedberg and Seltzer’s latest is currently in post-production, and it’s called — hang on, finish up if you’re taking a drink, because you may laugh so hard that your soda comes out of your nose, and that shit burns — it’s a parody of The Hunger Games, and it’s called (get ready for this) The Starving Games. Get it?!? Because, um, “starving” is a synonym for “hunger,” and that gives you some idea of the wit we’re in from Friedberg and Seltzer, the masters of “hey here’s a thing you’ve heard of, right?” humor. Boys, please, see the light. Soderbergh says he’s going to quit movies so he can focus on painting. You guys ever tried any watercolors? Maybe we could send you a couple of blank canvases?
Those are our wish-fulfillment filmmaker resolutions for 2013 — what are yours? Let us know in the comments!