2013 Golden Globes: Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s Funniest Lines of the Night

Let’s face it: The real reason that most of us are tuning in to tonight’s Golden Globes ceremony before watching the season premiere of Girls or the new Downton Abbey is to see what kind of craziness the evening’s hilarious co-hosts, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, will deliver. We’re keeping tabs on all of their funniest lines of the night after the jump. Let us know what has been your favorite moment of the show so far in the comments!

Amy Poehler: Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.

AP: We have no intention of being edgy or offensive tonight because as Ricky Gervais fond out the hard way, when you run afoul of the Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host this show two more times.

Tina Fey: [to Lena Dunham] If they’re forcing you to do all that nudity, just tell us. Give us a signal … and we’ll call child services for you.

AP: I haven’t really been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.

TF: [regarding Anne Hathway’s performance in Les Miz] I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.

AP: Ang Lee has been nominated for the Life of Pi, which is what I’m gonna call the six weeks after I take this dress off!

TF: Quentin Tarantino is here — the star of all my sexual nightmares.

AP: Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu — and I hear she’s amazing in it.
TF: She steals it.

TF: Yes, a young Daniel Day-Lewis was ET. Do the finger.

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AP: Wow, what an exciting special guest. That was Hillary Clinton’s husband!

TF: Congratulations Lena, I’m glad we got you through middle school.

TF: You know what Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son.

AP: Thank you very much, good night, we’re going home with Jodie Foster.