By now, it seems like everyone in the world has read 50 Shades of Grey (except the people you actually know). Including celebrities, who particularly can’t seem to get enough of reading the thing out loud. We get it — it’s hilarious and oh so scandalous in a completely safe way. But some celebs do a better job than others, and though “better” here is obviously relative and subjective, we’d say that the quality usually comes down to the commitment. After the jump, watch (if you can bear it) ten videos of celebrities reading from 50 Shades of Grey, ranked from worst to best. Do you agree with our rankings? Want someone else on the list? Let us know in the comments.
10. Adam Lambert
Come on, producers, you know it’s not funny unless you pick a racy part. This is just Lambert reading about snuggling.
9. Kristin Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth and Sam Claflin
This one’s a bit of a mixed bag — Kristin Stewart is silly about it all, Charlize Theron jumps right in, Chris Hemsworth can’t handle it, and Sam Claflin is, well, British. He could make anything sound nice.
8. Supernatural‘s Richard Speight Jr. and Matt Cohen
This one’s a little all over the place, but hey, a little pelvis-based acting goes a long way. Especially in a room full of screaming fangirls.
7. Duke Nukem voice actor Jon St. John
Honestly? This is probably the voice that E.L. James had in mind all along.
6. Ellen Degeneres
Though this performance is less about reading and more about Ellen acting scandalized, we’re still charmed. The only problem is that now we’re forever going to call it the “secret garden.”
5. Gilbert Gottfried
“Holy fuck, this is wrong” is right. We’re torn on this one, because it is so, so awful and upsetting — but then again, that’s the joke. So in terms of parody, it should rank high on the list, but it gets knocked down a bit for making us so unhappy.
4. Will Ferrell & Zach Galifianakis
Maybe it’s just an act, but these two look genuinely bewildered at the book, an impression not impeded by the cackling interviewer. As goofy and adorable as you’d expect.
3. David Sedaris
Sedaris is no prude, but even he stumbles over some of the words written by his “colleague” in this adorable clip.
2. George Takei
Oh, my. This book was written to be read aloud by George Takei.
1. Charles Dance
Remember what we said about a British accent? Well count it triple for this elder British statesman with a set of pipes as golden as Tywin Lannister’s everything.