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The Dirty Projectors played David Letterman last night. We grouped together pile of anonymous, hyper-critical music judges to properly assess the performance.

Judge #1: Look at that technique! The style! +5 for showmanship! I bet that young man can type really fast e-mails by the looks of his guitar playing! +7 for mad skills!

Judge #2: +9 points for making David Letterman over-pronounce “Bitte Orca” and choosing the one song on the album that’s accessible.

Judge #3: -5 for a sound setup that made the girls sound like weak backup singers and Nate’s fake mustache. Both were distracting.

Judge #4: Think I am ‘supposed 2 like this.’ Not sure if The Dirty Projectors are ‘actually good.’ + 4.25262 pitchforks.

Judge #5: I will have children just to name them after the Dirty Projectors. +8 “Watch your manners Dirty Projector!” It has a nice ring to it.

Judge #6: Tired of my favorite acts going mainstream. A part of me died when Animal Collective played Letterman. My kidney, to be precise. -1

Judge #7: Is it me or is Angel Deradoorian super attractive? Am I being sexist? +10

Judge #8: Fantastic vocals, but there are far too many distracting elements: fake mustaches, maternity dresses, excessive self-awareness, lack of discernible song structure… I’d give them an A for effort, but a C for execution.

Judge #9: That mustache is Grade A lumberjack. I bet I could shave my legs with it. +8 for a strong sense of virility while still maintaining a sensitive side for the ladies.

Judge #10: (insert your own reaction here) What is your analysis of the Dirty Projectors’ performance?