Five New Music Releases in Five Words or Less

This week’s new albums range from the epic (Two words: Chinese Democracy) to the pretend-epic (Kanye “I wanna be Elvis” West).

Actually, that’s not really much of a range at all — we guess it’s a good week for hit-or-miss greatness.

For your convenience, we’ve synthesized the buzz and oversimplified the critics’ reviews of this week’s top five releases:

Guns N’ Roses, Chinese Democracy: Historic. Just listen to it.

Kanye West, 808 and Heartbreak: Different, but not necessarily good.

Ludacris, Theater of the Mind: Funny, only sometimes intentionally.

The Killers, Day & Age: Very Vegas, whatever that means.

Coldplay, Prospekt’s March: Catchy leftovers. Bonus: Jay-Z!

Which one will we be buying? Probably none of these — we’re holding out for the new album from Weezer frontman, “Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo.” It might be the only one we won’t hear by default on our favorite TV shows.

Related post: M.I.A. On One of the Year’s Best Soundtracks