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Stereotyping You by Your Favorite Album of 2013

It’s that wonderful time of the year! Yes, it’s December, which means we get to make many end-of-year lists and generally pontificate about what we liked and didn’t like about 2013… but more importantly, it’s also the time when we get to apply gratuitous stereotypes to music fans everywhere. It’s something of a tradition at Flavorwire to ponder what your favorite album of the year says about you, so without further ado, here we go again! (Our obligatory disclaimer: this is a lighthearted exercise, so don’t get all pissy about it — and, yes, our stereotype is on here, and it fits perfectly.)

Daft Punk — Random Access Memories
Well-off 30-somethings who have office jobs and spend a lot of time reminiscing about how the pills used to be better “back in the day.”

HAIM — Days Are Gone
Girls who own several of those flowing ’70s full-length summer dresses.

The Knife — Shaking the Habitual
Gender studies majors.

Chvrches — The Bones of What You Believe
Gender studies minors.

The Julie Ruin — Run Fast
Tenured gender studies academics.

Julia Holter — Loud City Song
Music majors.

The Haxan Cloak — Excavation
People who own actual cloaks. Black ones.

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Sky Ferreira — Night Time, My Time
Bushwick indie girls who go two at a time into the bathroom.

Foxygen — We Are the 21st Century Ambassadors of Peace and Magic
People who are super nice to you in person and shit-talk you behind your back.

Lorde — Pure Heroine
Poptimists who consider themselves “sophisticated.”

Frank Turner — Tape Deck Heart
Punks who live in terror that someone will find out about their trust fund.

The National — Trouble Will Find Me
Wine club subscribers.

Arcade Fire — Reflektor
People who moved to Williamsburg seven years ago and still think it’s just the coolest place in the world.

The Strokes — Comedown Machine
People who moved to the Lower East Side 15 years ago and still think it’s just the coolest place in the world.

Savages — Silence Yourself
Solemn Londoners who have been described as “angular” at least once in their lives.

Miley Cyrus — Bangerz
Tweens gone bad.

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Kanye West — Yeezus
People who like arguing about music more than they like listening to it.

Arctic Monkeys — AM
The small pocket of people in Northern England that constitutes the NME‘s print subscriber base.

Oneohtrix Point Never — R Plus 7
Studious men who used to subscribe to The Wire.

Tim Hecker — Virgins
Studious men who still subscribe to The Wire.

Pearl Jam — Lightning Bolt
Men in their 30s who haven’t heard of half the stuff on these end-of-year lists, anyway.

Death Grips — Government Plates
Conspiracy theorists.

Laura Marling — Once I Was an Eagle
Girls who like crafts and have an intimidating knowledge of tea.

Majical Cloudz — Impersonator
Indie dudes who are very in touch with their feelings.

Autre Ne Veut — Anxiety
Indie dudes who’d like you to believe they’re very in touch with their feelings.

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Waxahatchee — Cerulean Salt
Indie girls who are very in touch with their feelings.

Speedy Ortiz — Major Arcana
Girls who like hardcore and pop music.

Atoms for Peace — Amok
Men who are far too old to have ponytails.

Blood Orange — Cupid Deluxe
Stylish fashion industry guys who manage to make things like suspenders look cool.

Janelle Monáe — The Electric Lady
Stylish fashion industry girls who manage to make things like suspenders look cool.

Eminem — The Marshall Mathers LP 2
Angry mid-20s white men who drink Coors Light and are concerned about rising gas prices.

Disclosure — Settle
Shoppers who generally enjoy the music that gets played in H&M.

Barenaked Ladies — Grinning Streak
Scruffy men who look like a real-life version of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons and make you slightly ashamed of your strong urge to punch them.

Tyler, the Creator — Wolf
People just getting into Odd Future.

Earl Sweatshirt — Doris
People just getting over Odd Future.

Paramore — Paramore
Early 20s types who nurture inexplicably fond memories of pop punk.

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Lady Gaga — ARTPOP
Jeff Koons.

Fuck Buttons — Slow Focus
Guys who casually discuss doing esoteric psychedelics with names made up of letters and numbers.

Danny Brown — Old
People who appear to be permanently on several such psychedelics.

Paul McCartney — New
Jann Wenner.

James Blake — Overgrown
Thirty-somethings who work at investment banks but still consider themselves “hip.”

Yuck — Glow and Behold
Dudes who are too young to remember the ’90s but are totally sure that was the time they should have been alive.

My Bloody Valentine — mbv
Dudes who should be able to remember the ’90s but don’t.

Superchunk — I Hate Music
Dudes who actually do remember the ’90s.

One Direction — Midnight Memories
Early 20s ingenues who still insist on teddy bears and pink-painted walls.

M.I.A. — Matangi
People who’ll corner you at parties and talk extensively about how Edward Snowden proves they were right all along.

Kurt Vile — Walkin’ On a Pretty Daze
Benevolent stoners.

chance

Chance the Rapper — Acid Rap
Benevolent trippers (who may or may not be music journalists).

David Bowie — The Next Day
Music journalists whose tripping days are behind them.

Chelsea Wolfe — Pain Is Beauty
Brooklyn girls who have adopted goth as a semi-ironic fashion statement.

Icona Pop — This Is… Icona Pop
People who will admit with a little sympathetic prompting that, no, they didn’t realize Charli XCX wasn’t in the band.

Los Campesinos! — No Blues
Priapic liberal arts students who spend a lot of time on OKCupid.

Iceage — You’re Nothing
Fascists Hardcore purists.

Boards of Canada — Tomorrow’s Harvest
Earnest men who have been wearing the same brown cardigan for a decade.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds — Push the Sky Away
Australians.

Pharmakon — Abandon
Intense, hollow-eyed girls who are very attractive but also genuinely terrifying.

Pusha T — My Name Is My Name
Hip hop heads who miss Clipse.

Jay-Z — Magna Carta Holy Grail
People who think nothing of dropping several thousand dollars on a plasma-screen television.

Vampire Weekend — Modern Vampires of the City
Well-groomed bros under 25 who have stock portfolios and own more dress shirts than T-shirts.

Justin Timberlake — The 20/20 Experience
Creepy smooth-talking bros who refer to women as “ladies.”

Drake — Nothing Was the Same
Creepy smooth-talking bros who refer to women as “ladies” and want you to feel their pain.

R. Kelly — Black Panties
Creepy smooth-talking bros who will pressure you to do unspeakable things in bed.

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