Ah February, ye of the punishing cold, disappointing social calendar, and most existentially troubling holiday to ever be invented, we meet again. Here at Flavorwire, we have a little tradition around this time: rounding up ways to avoid giving (or getting) anything lame this Valentine’s Day. Yes, crumbly, awkward chocolate roses, and the dude who swore they were a creative option, we’re looking at you. So after the jump, check out this year’s suggestions, from the cozy to the crazy, from the edible to the bed-able (yes, that happened). And treat yourself to a happy holiday, whether with that special someone, friends, or all by your onesies.
Moonrise Kingdom cross stitch love notes, $62
One for you, one for your twee raven.
Stumptown Coffee + Mast Brothers Chocolate in a Box, $40
Everybody’s two favorite things in the prettiest of packages. Plus, you know what you get when you mix aphrodisiacs and stimulants.
Marc Johns signed print, $20
After all, what is true love if not a four-legged paper monster?
xo Orpheus, ed. Kate Bernheimer, $18
A book of modern myths to inspire yank-you-from-the-underworld devotion.
Bunny Love ring, $48
Bunny love is the best love.
John Derian Heart in Hand Plate, $48
Because you’d totally rip it out and serve it on one, if she asked you to. Totally.
Write Like a Motherfucker Coffee Mug, $13
For the writer you love like a motherfucker.
Magic Carpet Yoga Mat, $98
One of those gifts that’s good for both of you.
Opening Ceremony Cosmetics Pouch, $65
Functional AND covered in bunnies.
Coral and Tusk Foxy Badge, $24
A well-earned merit badge for the foxiest person in your life.
The Strongbox, $28
A place for all your valuables. Like the heart of someone you love. Metaphorically, you guys, metaphorically.
Diamond Box, $15
It may not be time for real diamonds, but it’s never too early in a relationship for this cool bling-shaped box.
Arpa Handmade Card Set, $14
For love letters to come.
Sweet Nothing Brass Necklace, $40
An oldie but a goodie for your back-talking baby. Or better yet, chisel your own.
The Belgian Dart Set, $122
Two words: Naked Darts. Totally not as dangerous as it sounds.
Cashmere Boy Shorts, $136
Um, yes please.
French Cheese Collection, $60
Say it with cheese.
Eye Pot, $53
An adorable, arty little pot that doubles as a planter. Also for keeping a metaphorical eye on your beloved.
Slim Coffee Pot, $88
For heating things up.
My Mistress’s Sparrow Is Dead: Great Love Stories, from Chekhov to Munro, ed. Jeffrey Eugenides, $16
A timeless collection of some of the best love stories of all time. For (maybe a page or two of) bedtime reading.
Heart Sweater, $550
If you’re going to go with a sweater covered in hearts, this is the best, chicest, option. Plus, it’s cashmere.
Moroccan Pouf, $295
My heart is like a red red pouf.
Siri Knit Cap, €110
Hey, it’s still cold out there.
Big Bloom Vase, $40
For making the most of what you’ve got.
Versa Heart-Shaped Spoons, $45
You won’t be hearing any hearts-in-mouths jokes here. Nope. Not even thinking of them.
Bubblegum Paperweight, $180
A cheeky gift for your favorite overgrown teenager.
Baggu Leather Pouch, $40
Just the right size for a handful of valentines.
A subscription to a literary magazine (like Conjunctions), $18
Smart is sexy.
Ghost Candelabra, $65
To add a little elegant mystery to any romantic dinner.
Heart Bottle Stopper, $5
In case you need to, ahem, pause in the middle of that bottle.
Quartz Terrarium, $140
First step is taking care of a plant. Should be easy in such a beautiful little home.
Stump Cufflink, $220
Customizable to your own initials! All together now: awwwwwwww.
Matchstick Ring, $180
Keep the flame alive.
Portable Mint Tin Guitar Amp, $35
For your favorite sweet-breathed rocker.
Pyramid Cushion, $150
To infinity and beyond!
Headboard Wall Decal, $31
Consider it an invitation to spend a little bit more time in bed.
Bourbon & Vanilla Shea Butter Soap, $9
So many good things packed into one adorable little package.
Marquee Light Heart, $159
For the light of your life, rust and all.
Baby Vamp Gold Ring Set, $525
Love bites. And then you’re together forever (until somebody gets staked).
Pewter Tea Strainer, $68
Tea for two.
Rose Geranium Bath Soak, $45
Real relaxation in a delicious-smelling tub is a gift money can’t buy. But this will help.
Spirit Decanters, $199
A little Old World elegance goes a long way.
Kerr Votive Lantern, $36
Light the night.
Natalie Kim Girl & Lions print, $48
For your favorite cheeky lion-tamer.
Delfina Delettrez Eye and Pearl Earring, $510
Here’s looking at you, kid.
Nike Vintage Collection Air Pegasus ’83 Sneakers, $100
Duality His/Hers Tote, $50
The family that totes together…
MUJI Funny Face Stamp Set, $20
They’re like emoticons, only you can leave them everywhere.
Crosley Spinnerette Turntable, $150
Baby, right round.
Felt Succulent Planter, $23
Also known as “the love pod.”