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50 Gifts for Your Valentine That Don’t Suck

Ah February, ye of the punishing cold, disappointing social calendar, and most existentially troubling holiday to ever be invented, we meet again. Here at Flavorwire, we have a little tradition around this time: rounding up ways to avoid giving (or getting) anything lame this Valentine’s Day. Yes, crumbly, awkward chocolate roses, and the dude who swore they were a creative option, we’re looking at you. So after the jump, check out this year’s suggestions, from the cozy to the crazy, from the edible to the bed-able (yes, that happened). And treat yourself to a happy holiday, whether with that special someone, friends, or all by your onesies.

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Moonrise Kingdom cross stitch love notes, $62

One for you, one for your twee raven.

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Stumptown Coffee + Mast Brothers Chocolate in a Box, $40

Everybody’s two favorite things in the prettiest of packages. Plus, you know what you get when you mix aphrodisiacs and stimulants.

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Marc Johns signed print, $20

After all, what is true love if not a four-legged paper monster?

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xo Orpheus, ed. Kate Bernheimer, $18

A book of modern myths to inspire yank-you-from-the-underworld devotion.

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Bunny Love ring, $48

Bunny love is the best love.

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John Derian Heart in Hand Plate, $48

Because you’d totally rip it out and serve it on one, if she asked you to. Totally.

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Write Like a Motherfucker Coffee Mug, $13

For the writer you love like a motherfucker.

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Magic Carpet Yoga Mat, $98

One of those gifts that’s good for both of you.

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Opening Ceremony Cosmetics Pouch, $65

Functional AND covered in bunnies.

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Coral and Tusk Foxy Badge, $24

A well-earned merit badge for the foxiest person in your life.

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The Strongbox, $28

A place for all your valuables. Like the heart of someone you love. Metaphorically, you guys, metaphorically.

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Diamond Box, $15

It may not be time for real diamonds, but it’s never too early in a relationship for this cool bling-shaped box.

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Arpa Handmade Card Set, $14

For love letters to come.

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Sweet Nothing Brass Necklace, $40

An oldie but a goodie for your back-talking baby. Or better yet, chisel your own.

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The Belgian Dart Set, $122

Two words: Naked Darts. Totally not as dangerous as it sounds.

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Cashmere Boy Shorts, $136

Um, yes please.

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French Cheese Collection, $60

Say it with cheese.

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Eye Pot, $53

An adorable, arty little pot that doubles as a planter. Also for keeping a metaphorical eye on your beloved.

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Slim Coffee Pot, $88

For heating things up.

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My Mistress’s Sparrow Is Dead: Great Love Stories, from Chekhov to Munro, ed. Jeffrey Eugenides, $16

A timeless collection of some of the best love stories of all time. For (maybe a page or two of) bedtime reading.

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Heart Sweater, $550

If you’re going to go with a sweater covered in hearts, this is the best, chicest, option. Plus, it’s cashmere.

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Moroccan Pouf, $295

My heart is like a red red pouf.

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Siri Knit Cap, €110

Hey, it’s still cold out there.

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Big Bloom Vase, $40

For making the most of what you’ve got.

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Versa Heart-Shaped Spoons, $45

You won’t be hearing any hearts-in-mouths jokes here. Nope. Not even thinking of them.

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Bubblegum Paperweight, $180

A cheeky gift for your favorite overgrown teenager.

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Baggu Leather Pouch, $40

Just the right size for a handful of valentines.

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A subscription to a literary magazine (like Conjunctions), $18

Smart is sexy.

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Ghost Candelabra, $65

To add a little elegant mystery to any romantic dinner.

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Heart Bottle Stopper, $5

In case you need to, ahem, pause in the middle of that bottle.

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Quartz Terrarium, $140

First step is taking care of a plant. Should be easy in such a beautiful little home.

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Stump Cufflink, $220

Customizable to your own initials! All together now: awwwwwwww.

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Matchstick Ring, $180

Keep the flame alive.

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Portable Mint Tin Guitar Amp, $35

For your favorite sweet-breathed rocker.

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Pyramid Cushion, $150

To infinity and beyond!

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Headboard Wall Decal, $31

Consider it an invitation to spend a little bit more time in bed.

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Bourbon & Vanilla Shea Butter Soap, $9

So many good things packed into one adorable little package.

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Marquee Light Heart, $159

For the light of your life, rust and all.

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Baby Vamp Gold Ring Set, $525

Love bites. And then you’re together forever (until somebody gets staked).

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Pewter Tea Strainer, $68

Tea for two.

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Rose Geranium Bath Soak, $45

Real relaxation in a delicious-smelling tub is a gift money can’t buy. But this will help.

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Spirit Decanters, $199

A little Old World elegance goes a long way.

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Kerr Votive Lantern, $36

Light the night.

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Natalie Kim Girl & Lions print, $48

For your favorite cheeky lion-tamer.

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Delfina Delettrez Eye and Pearl Earring, $510

Here’s looking at you, kid.

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Nike Vintage Collection Air Pegasus ’83 Sneakers, $100

Big ups.

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Duality His/Hers Tote, $50

The family that totes together…

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MUJI Funny Face Stamp Set, $20

They’re like emoticons, only you can leave them everywhere.

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Crosley Spinnerette Turntable, $150

Baby, right round.

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Felt Succulent Planter, $23

Also known as “the love pod.”