Halloween is a special time of year. It’s a night when you get to dress up, go out, and discover which of your friends has the sickest sense of humor. Zombie Michael Jackson might have been fun last year; we get the Thriller reference. Let him rest for a year, please. He’ll already be violated on screens around the country. And while zombie MJ may be the worst pop-culture costume of ’09, there are plenty of perennially terrible outfits.

Unsurprisingly, a lot of these were clearly created by hammered costumiers on a deadline. Let’s check out a few samples…

Ah, Beerman. Who can forget this classic Marvel character? Alas, the $54.99 price does not include beer. It also doesn’t come with a beer belly. Oh really, you brought your own? Instead: Make your own Duffman. Oh yeah.

Simple, yes. But this boxed-wine costume has just the right amount of “I cared exactly enough to root around in my recycling bin” to make it work. The best feature of this costume is that you could easily rig the nozzle to a smaller box of wine inside. Then you can either enjoy that Franzia on your own or try to convince others that all fine wines should be warmed around the waistline of this cheerful gentleman.

Oh Dirty Martini, when will you learn? You went out, got a short black dress, heels, and fishnets. Then you decided to stick a giant piece of cardboard over all of the olives in your glass. Instead, wear the dress and drink the dirty martinis (3 oz vodka and ¾ oz olive juice combined, shaken with ice, strained, and garnished with an olive). Order another drink for whoever complains about your lack of costume.

Homemade beer pong costumes: It seemed like a good idea for these gals just looking for a fun night out. But by the end of the evening they couldn’t believe how many frat guys tried to toss their balls in those cups. In these swine-flu filled times, every coed’s favorite route to a blackout just isn’t safe.

No party is complete without the Human Breathalyzer. And what’s that? Where’s the nozzle for people to blow into? Why it’s almost as if you’re… huh. Okay, we get it. When you want a costume that says you’re a narc who likes tricking people into sex, this is the one for you. There is no cure for this condition. You’d better drink up and go breathalyze yourself.

Ladies and gentlemen, you never know what you will find on the Internet. Just think: somebody actually wore this. It wasn’t even for Halloween, this photo is from the middle of March! Whoever she is, we hope she got a lot of tips for this one.