Today’s Wisdom Comes from Artificially Intelligent Mario, Kendall Jenner and Leslie Knope: Links You Need to See

Everyone is looking for some form of advice. We as humans will turn to our favorite authors, politicians and directors for inspiration on how to live, love, and find our purpose in life. The Wall Street Journal has decided to collect the wisdom of six people they’ve dubbed “luminaries” on the topic of youth. And one of these luminaries is Kendall Jenner. Calling Kendall Jenner a luminary might seem ridiculous, but if you’ve watched Keeping up with the Kardashians, you’ll see she’s often surrounded by a family of overgrown children, so maybe the Journal is on to something.

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Someone who probably could distribute real wisdom? Leslie Knope. We’ve seen her dish it out for six seasons of Parks & Recreation and are hanging on to her every word during the current and final season. But have no fear: there is a Leslie Knope Wisdom Generator. The next time you’re in a tough situation just open it up, hit that “Just Say Knope!” button and bathe in her glory.

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Is your neighborhood becoming a “problem area?” Are you suddenly having to deal with artisanal mayonnaise shops? Dog-walking businesses? Painting classes? SNL‘s Kevin Hart, Kenan Thompson, and Jay Pharaoh are sharing their wisdom on adapting to the mean streets of Bushwick, Brooklyn.

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And what about wisdom about getting old? If there is any specific elder that we should listen to, it’s probably this woman, who’s been living on a cruise ship for the last 7 years — she gets meals, ballroom dancing, and visits to over 100 countries all for just 164k a year (surely all that dancing accounts for the bulk of the price).

Mario 2Let’s round this out with some wisdom from the future. We may not be able to predict the future, but there’s a chance that this artificially intelligent Super Mario will be able to answer all your questions in due time. Right now his emotions are controlled by the people who created him and gave him the spark of intelligence, but as with most forms of artificial intelligence, there’s always a nagging worry over whether it’ll break out of its mental manacles and eventually take over the world. We just never thought that the well-known and beloved Mario would be our conqueror. Some wisdom for surviving the coming regime: stock up on gold coins and mushrooms. You’re going to need them to curry favor. Some other advice: you probably shouldn’t be too worried.