Woo Your Tinder Date with Your Encyclopedic Knowledge of Cinematic Corn: Links You Need to See

Having an intense emotional response to a Vine may make you wonder about what type of person you’ve become — are we now so firmly in the clutches of these dictators of brevity that 6-second videos made for the purpose of virality are just as moving as a film or a book? And is it worthless to ask these questions, because of course we are? Beware: clicking here will confirm the medium’s emotional authority, as well as, in a lovely twist, its emotional legitimacy. Scrolling through animator Ian Padgham’s “2014 in 60 Seconds” — featuring 10 Vines that best captured the artist’s year — will give you a life-affirming, joyous feeling underscored by a life-questioning, technologic unease, as though you’d just watched Black Mirror’‘s reinterpretation of Stepmom. Surely this stimulating review of 2014 will lend you plenty to talk about on, say, Tinder — unless, of course, you feel comfortable simply using these magic words.

corn

Another thing you could talk about with an un-special someone on Tinder? The pervasiveness of corn in contemporary mainstream cinema! As Vulture points out, the over-usage of the cornfield in action and sci-fi films truly is a growing problem, and needs to be brought to light. Share these kernels of corn-related wisdom with your new non-beau and you’re sure, as is usually the plan, to non-see-that-person-again-after-the-first-date.

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It’s not unlikely that, given its titular character’s Midwestern provenance, Better Call Saul will likewise at some point feature corn — it’d therefore be entirely relevant/acceptable to bring up the show on this hypothetical Tinder date of yours. It’d also behoove you to get better acquainted with the life of Jonathan Banks, the actor who plays Mike Ehrmantraut on Saul (he also played him on Breaking Bad). Though he may not — even when A.V. Club asks him, in this interview, what his last meal would be — make any mention of corn, surely you, master dater, could figure out a way to seamlessly weave it in. While on the subject of television w/ your Tinder date, you could also mention how tonight’s It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode will have a tracking shot which pays homage to True Detective, while noting that corn needs sunlight, but doesn’t necessarily need Philadelphia, to flourish.

See you l8er, online d8er!