“Fifty Shades Darker” Trailer Shocker: Fornication Will Occur in This Film

We at Flavorwire had lots of fun (lots!) with Fifty Shades of Grey, the book and movie and then we promptly forgot about all the light, male-gazey S&M and the lingering idea that Dakota Johnson was playing the entire thing as a joke — we had other things to worry about, such as our nation descending into a hellish dystopia.

Now, a movie series that fetishizes male sexual aggression seems a little less amusing given that we have a sexual predator in the White House — oh who are we kidding? . The trailer for sequel Fifty Shades Darker is some Nero fidding while Rome burns shit and yes, of course I enjoyed watching it tremendously. Why wouldn’t I? It has lots of sexy sexual sex in it, and Dakota Johnson is still reading her lines like she wants us to snort loudly with laughter at inopportune moments. Even better, there is a scene of sad Christian Grey sitting at the piano having a case of the sads, because Edward Cullen played the piano too,  because Jamie Dornan can’t emote so his fee-fees can only be indicated via sappy symbolism because the movie promotes the idea a sexual fetish can’t come from anything but damage, while letting its audience get its rocks off from said fetish anyway.

This trailer indicates there’s some sort of creepy stalker angle too? Another woman, mayhap? It’s all too much to handle. Here’s the trailer: feast your senses on this clear evidence of the decline of our decadent empire.