Fox News is Launching the World’s Shittiest Streaming Service

Now FNC viewers will have something to click away to when Shepard Smith tries to talk some sense into them.

In what could best be described as “the only streaming service available in the burning fetid bowels of Hell,” Fox News has announced plans to launch Fox Nation, a streaming service for super-fans who aren’t getting quite enough disinformation, racism, and state propaganda fed into their eyeballs by the cable network.

“The new service is expected to feature live exclusive daily streaming content and long-form programming available only to subscribers,” according to Variety. “Fox Nation will also give subscribers access to exclusive events and more than 20 years of Fox News Channel programming.” That last one should prove particularly attractive to viewers who tire of the network’s current tongue baths for the con artists of this administration, and find themselves longing for the dog-whistles of the Obama years. Or perhaps they’d like to binge some prime-time programming from the old line-up of sexual predators and conspiracy theorists! Take a little stroll down Unhinged Memory Lane! Good times.

The service’s name choice is also of note; for years, “Fox Nation” was Fox News’ side website, where “all Americans are encouraged to share, discuss, and debate” and share “your views, your values, your voice.” As a result, it was even loonier than Fox News proper; if FNC was your calmly, subtly racist uncle, calling Obama “elite” at the Thanksgiving table, Fox Nation was your rabid cousin, sitting at the kiddie table in his Kid Rock T-shirt, hollering the n-word. The site’s click-friendly hits included “Obama’s Hip-Hop BBQ Didn’t Create Jobs,” “Obama Bringing Motown to White House… Boogey Down!”, “Obama’s Census Castrates Caucasians,” “Reparations by Way of Health Care Reform?” “Obama Makes Tornadoes About Himself,” “Barack Obama, The Spending Jihadist,” and that old fave, “Obama Is Not a Muslim, But…”

So good news, all you patient Gen-Xers and Millenials who’ve been quietly trying to hide the remote from your aging, increasingly and worrisomely angry and ill-informed parents, who treat Fox News like a crack pipe that administers daily hits of hate and otherism: pretty soon, they’ll have even more. Good luck!