Rate-a-Trailer: Twelve

Back when it played Sundance this winter, Gawker’s Foster Kamer had this to say about Joel Schumacher’s Twelve, a film based on the 2002 debut novel of Upper East Side rich kid turned literary sensation Nick McDonell:

The problem with Twelve is that you don’t even have to see it to know that it makes a boldfaced joke not just out of Sundance’s former reputation as a place where independent art once thrived, but of the word “independent,” as well, because Twelve is a total fucking reach-around vanity project that represents nepotism and interests who are, as always, trying to capitalize on overwrought subject material and reinforce the status quo. Besides which, it apparently sucks.

After watching the trailer, we can see that he was right.

Everything about this trailer feels tired to us: from the ensemble cast that includes Chace Crawford, Emma Roberts, and 50 Cent (?) to the backing track of MGMT’s “Kids” to Kiefer Sutherland’s crusty narration. That, and it’s just way too serious and taking itself way too seriously. There’s a reason why there has never been a “very special episode” of Gossip Girl. Because that would suck, too.

Also, when will Hollywood learn that when it comes to film adaptations of racy coming of age novels (See: Bright Lights, Big City or Less Than Zero) something is always lost in translation?

You can look for Twelve in theaters this summer; we recommend that you just read the book instead.