Gwyneth Paltrow Announces Divorce from Chris Martin in Most Gwyneth Paltrow Way Ever

gwyneth-paltrow-chris-martin

Via her lifestyle newsletter/website Goop, which now looks to be crashed, mere minutes after the message posted.

They write in a post titled “Conscious Uncoupling”:

It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.

Please let there be a song on the sad-ass new Coldplay album called “Conscious Uncoupling.” Please. Also to keep in mind, this album, Ghost Stories, has a broken heart made out of wings on the cover and sounds like Bon Iver.

More importantly, did anyone read the psycho-babble at the bottom of “Conscious Uncoupling”? Did anyone scroll below the idyllic photo? Here’s my favorite part:

Intimacy & Insects

To understand what life is really like living with an external shield, we have to examine the experts: Insects. Beetles, grasshoppers, and all other insects have an exoskeleton. The structure that protects and supports their body is on the outside. Not only are they stuck in a rigid, unchanging form that provides no flexibility, they are also at the mercy of their environment. If they find themselves under the heel of a shoe, it’s all over.