“What’s left in having a drink for me? Nothing. There’s no party that I haven’t gone to, no person I haven’t hung out with,” says Lindsay Lohan at the opening of the new trailer for Lindsay, Oprah’s “documentary series” on the perpetually free-falling star. Alas, it leads one to question what’s left in watching Lindsay stumblingly try to redeem herself. We’ve all “hung out” with her (via TMZ), and we’ve all experienced a form of decade-long motion sickness from her relentless emotional turbulence.
In the public eye, all of her recent “acting” ventures are regarded as tacky decorative flourishes atop a life we love to ridicule. She is worshipped as a mythological creature of destruction, whose ability or inability to act is totally irrelevant. And despite Oprah’s assertion, in this trailer, that the series was a career-resuscitation device, it’s hard to imagine that, for one second, the makers didn’t hope Lindsay would sabotage it as only she knows how: who could resist monetizing the inevitable? Like any reality TV star, it’d be surprising if she weren’t being paid to Lindsay it up more than ever.
While the show, which will debut on the Oprah Winfrey Network on March 9, is more of a Anna Nicole-type docusoap than a “talent search” show, its characters frequently throw around the terminology of a show with victors and losers. “I want you to win,” Oprah assures Lindsay, who later states, “I know this is my last shot to do what I want to do” as though, like Top Chef competitors, Good Lindsay and Bad Lindsay are fighting each other to alchemize a functional career out of a can of spam. But perhaps we’ll be proven wrong; perhaps the show will culminate in a Lindsay renaissance, with her landing a role in the next Werner Herzog film and devoting her off-camera time to her involvement with PETA. Watch below and determine for yourselves.