Why did it take so long for someone to cast Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston as gorgeous vampires? Why do we get the feeling that John Hurt drinks blood in his off-screen life? Is Mia Wasikowska’s Hollywoodized gutter punk hair more amazing than Juno Temple’s à la Afternoon Delight? Most importantly, where the hell is the release date for Jim Jarmusch’s film? We’re dying over here.