While viable options abound on dating sites like Nerve and OkCupid, weeding through all your non-negotiables can be quite the task if you’re determined to find a date whose cultural priorities — not to mentions likes and dislikes — match up with your own. So we’ve rounded up a list of niche dating sites — not including the veggie site that Gawker recently busted for omnivorousness — that’ll help you find that wine enthusiast, bearded foodie, or Ayn Rand fan that you’re looking for.

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Not sure what to do if a random chance to go on a date falls in your lap? This instructional dating video from 1949 will tell you! Gee, it used to be swell how teenagers got voiceover films explaining all the problems in their lives out for them. Now no one tells those rascals anything except how fun it is on the Jersey shore. The video offers some important lessons for both boys and girls. Boys: when choosing a date, know that pretty girls are terrible, and polite girls are boring. But the perfect girl “knows how to have a good time, and how to make the fellow with her relax, have fun too. Yes — that’s what a boy likes.” We’ll bet it is. Girls: just make sure to be a cheap date so you’ll be asked out again. That seems right. Watch the video after jump.

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Lonely concern trolls and single snarksters, rejoice! Gawker has just announced #gawkerdating, which may well be the world’s first hashtag-based dating service. This suggests an entire universe of sarcastic jokes about nasty comments sections, infamous bloggers, and other media wonkery. So, guess what? We’re going to make all of them. Without any further ado, we present to you 15 pickup lines to use on the new Gawker dating service. Prove you’re wittier than their commenters by adding your own.

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The Morning News’ Can We Date? flowchart is a rather epic response to a reader who wrote in asking if it was socially acceptable for him to date his brother’s wife’s cousin. It skillfully answers his question about kissin’ cousins, and probably a few that you’ve had at one point in your dating adventures. (Example: It’s my landlord. Do you live in New York or San Francisco? Yes. Do whatever it takes.) Either way, it will make you laugh.

In I Don’t Care About Your Band, Julie Klausner turns the clichéd dating-misadventure memoir into a hilariously self-deprecating romp through the pitfalls of modern romance.

The New York-based comedienne, writer, and standup performer presents a chronological overview of her failed dalliances, from early adolescent experimentation to getting bedbugs after an obligatory post-coital sleepover. But rather than whining and wallowing over these mishaps, Klausner revels in her experiences with a self-amused candidness that speaks to everyone — whether single, attached, or somewhere in between.

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We predict that this SLATE piece making the environmental case against long distance relationships will get heavily forwarded — hopefully not in lieu of actually breaking up with someone. Our favorite part is the call to action for lauching “a robust Date Local movement.”

We have but one question for the author, Barron YoungSmith (aside from, why is your last name spelled like that). Have you seen the new release from indie filmmaker JOE SWANBERG, a low-budget movie called NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS? It’s about a couple struggling to make their miserable New York/Chicago relationship work, and helps prove your point too.

There must be something in the cultural zeitgeist — maybe LTRs are this year’s pregnancy.