Fox News

Ariana Grande’s Donut Licking Incident Seriously Upset Fox News

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Very few would argue against the lickability of donuts: with such a panoply of flavors and glazes, they are an undeniably seductive snack — and a recently leaked video, seemingly of Ariana Grande surreptitiously licking donuts (that weren’t rightfully hers!) in a shop corroborates this notion. But was such a gesture actually a win for donuts, or, as the Right would hilariously have it, a subtle attack on the pastry as a synecdoche for America, which she also stated in the video that she “hates?” And so the silliest news story of the week actually seems to be getting the pop star in some trouble, while simultaneously exposing the franticness of the Right to condemn anyone who seems “unpatriotic.”
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The Brilliant Social Satire of Fox News’ ‘Frozen’ Misandry Segment

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I never thought I would say this, but here we go: Bravo, Fox News. Bravo, standing ovation, etc. I had no idea you were playing such a long game — nearly 20 years now — nor that you would so slyly, casually reveal said long game in a three-minute segment on a Wednesday morning. It’s sort of brilliant! Yet in a Fox & Friends discussion of “the Frozen Effect,” the network (accidentally, perhaps?) let the cat out of the bag. While working up a lather of faux-outrage over Hollywood’s insistence on “turning our men into fools and villains,” host Steve Doocy all but winked at the camera. It hit me like a ton of bricks — that’s what Fox News has been doing all this time! Satirizing male stupidity and villainy by crafting comically transparent personas of male stupidity and villainy! They’ve out-Colbert’ed Colbert!
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Praise Jesus, Kirk Cameron Is ‘Saving Christmas’ From You Dirty Liberal Atheists

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Look, I know you get tired of hearing about it, but it’s true — it happens earlier and earlier, every single year. Why, it’s not even Labor Day yet, we’re still wearing age-inappropriate short pants, the kids are barely back in school, and already, four months before the big day… it’s time to start complaining about the War on Christmas. Can we just get put away the “Halloween is a Satanist celebration” protest signs first? Where are our priorities in this hopelessly paranoid, Christian conservative nation? Anyway, Kirk Cameron — remember him? The Growing Pains heartthrob whose warm, dreamy smile filled a thousand issues of Tiger Beat and as many late-‘80s junior high lockers, before he started railing about evolution and bananas and how gays are destroying civilization, and everyone sort of backed away from him slowly, like some kind of ranting, drooling homeless guy on the subway? Anyhoo, he’s made a fairly good living from the “faith-based” entertainment industry, so this week, he sat down with Glenn Beck’s The Blaze website, which in turn shared the trailer to his latest cinematic opus, Saving Christmas.
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