This action film, an adaptation of Warren Ellis’ comic book, had us at Helen Mirren using a large firearm. Robert Schwentke’s Red, tells the story of an ex-CIA agent (played by Bruce Willis) who brings his old team out of retirement (Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, and a super wacky John Malkovich) for one last mission — to take down his former bosses, who are trying to kill him, and protect the woman who he loves (Mary Louise-Parker). Maybe we just like seeing a bunch of older people kicking ass and taking names (the Betty White effect?), but regardless, this looks like madcap fun.

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Today at Flavorpill, we learned to expect weird and heavy tunes from M.I.A.’s new album. Vague, but we’ll take any information at this point. We thought these clocks would be perfect space savers for our tiny New York City apartments. We were amused by Dame Edna’s take on “Single Ladies” — fantastic sequined dress and back-up dancers. We quickly placed our orders for a copy of Sherman Alexie’s book War Dances, which just won the 2010 PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction. We did our best to ignore the Sarah Palin TV wars, and we’re hoping we’ll at least get some Tina Fey out of the situation. We salivated over Steve McQueen’s record collection in the Life archives. We were disappointed to hear that Frances McDormand and John Malkovich signed on for Transformers 3 (really guys?), but at least we’ll officially have our weekly dose of Alan Cumming on The Good Wife. And finally, we were prepared to die happy with the news that Steven Klein will be directing Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” video. Bring on the next phase of Gaga!

1. Cat Power is planning to record an album of new material without her regular backing band. [via NME]
2. Kristen Wiig‘s “Gilly” character will host a two-hour SNL Christmas special that will air on December 17. No word yet on if she’ll be expanding her vocab. [via WaPo]
3. ’80s heartthrob Andrew McCarthy is set to direct a 9 1/2 Weeks-inspired episode of Gossip Girl this spring. [via People]
4. John Malkovich and Anne Hathaway are in talks to play the villains in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 4. Malkovich would be playing the Vulture; Hathaway the Vulturess. [via Vulture]
5. Is social media savvy putting the Obama White House at risk of becoming a reality show? [via NYT]

Bonus link: The Biggest Disappointments of the ’00s

Books: “We hear James Frey is going to be “interning” for one-foot-out-the-door Gawker editor Sheila McClear all day today, which came as a bit of a surprise since the paperback edition of Bright Shiny Morning isn’t scheduled to come out for another five months.” [GalleyCat]

Dance/Opera: “Will hairy mutants be battling it out Chorus Line style in the new Wolverine Origins feature? In an interview, Wolverine nemesis Liev Schreiber revealed how the movie’s dark and scary fight scenes were influenced by each actor’s love of the dance.” [io9]

Design: “Wags in Beijing and on the Internet have been joking about the name of the new CCTV building being a pun on the word for hemorrhoids and calling it the ‘Big Underpants’ building.” [Danwei]

Film: According to the A.P., [Catherine] Hardwicke’s home message answering machine says, in part: ‘We’ve been kicked out of the Twilight editorial, so we’re homeless, so please leave your name and number after the tone.’” [Variety]

Music: “Say it ain’t so, Joe: Coldplay have issued a response to a lawsuit filed against the band late last week by six-string scientist Joe Satriani, who claims the UK megastars ripped off his “If I Could Fly” for their Viva la Vida. And what do you know, they’re standing their ground.” [Pitchfork]

Television: “Maybe I should watch The Simpsons more often. The Writer’s Guild of America has nominated FOX’s long-running animated sitcom for best comedy series along with 30 Rock, The Office, Entourage and Weeds.” [TV Squad]

Theatre: “John Malkovich, the protean actor, will portray Jack Unterweger, an Austrian criminal, in a play called The Infernal Comedy.” [Arts Beat]

Visual Arts: “Hipstergasm! “Money” is not only the first official video off the hotly anticipated debut album from the production duo N.A.S.A. — DJ Zegon and Squeak E. Clean, a.k.a. Sam Spiegel, Spike Jonze’s brother — but it features visuals from artist Shepard Fairey, once the Andre the Giant guy, now the Barack Obama red-and-blue poster guy.” [Vulture]

Web: “We’ve seen some pretty weird gadget modifications, but this computer mouse made with actual mouse bones takes the cake for ‘most stomach-turning’ steampunk mod ever.” [Wired]