Rock of Ages

Film Critics’ Most Epic Hard Rock-Themed ‘Rock of Ages’ Disses

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If you plan on seeing Rock of Ages this weekend, be sure to sneak a flask of whiskey in with you. At least, that’s what we’ve gleaned from the many vicious reviews of the Broadway jukebox musical turned Hollywood cash-in that we’ve seen. Of course, with a movie like this — which, despite a cast that includes Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Paul Giamatti, and even freaking Bryan Cranston, was always bound to be terrible — the critics’ response tends to provide more entertainment than the feature itself. Aside from a few defenders, most of whom argue that it falls into the “so bad it’s good” category, reviewers really let loose in attacking Rock of Ages, and many extended their critiques to incorporate either appropriate lyrics and references or impromptu takedowns of ’80s hair metal as a whole. We’ve rounded up our favorite hard rock-themed Rock of Ages disses below.
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Timeline: The Life and Death and (Maybe?) Rebirth of the Hollywood Musical

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In spite of all our best efforts, Rock of Ages — currently sitting at 38% fresh among top critics on Rotten Tomatoes — is out this Friday, because if the multiplexes were missing anything this summer, it’s painfully earnest renditions of “Waiting for a Girl Like You” and Tom Cruise in assless chaps. Yes, the movie musical has fallen on rather hard times, but if we can learn anything from tracking its ebbs and flows of popularity, it’s that you can never count the genre out; after the jump, we’ve put together a brief but educational timeline to illustrate the many beat-downs and comebacks of the movie musical.
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Dear Costume Department: ‘Rock of Ages’

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Editor’s note: Welcome to Dear Costume Department, a bi-weekly feature brought to you by our fashion-minded friends from Of a Kind, a curated shopping site of limited-edition goods by emerging designers. With each installment, they’ll bring you a head-to-toe look inspired by a buzzed-about pop culture personality — complete with info on where to grab the pieces for your own closet. Enjoy!

So many Broadway-to-megaplex journeys only end in disappointment — remember Rosario Dawson and Taye Diggs in Rent? — but we’re so excited at the prospect of seeing Paul Giamatti, Alec Baldwin, and Bryan Cranston in musical form that we’re willing to give Rock of Ages a chance. Plus, the opportunity to finally forgive Tom Cruise a handful of his sins is pretty welcome, too. It’s almost like he’s getting to travel back in time, channeling the good old days when he was still the world’s biggest movie star by playing the world’s biggest rock star. Here’s what we hope he’s wearing as ’80s icon Stacee Jaxx.
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BuzzFeed Presents: What You Missed This Weekend

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Editor’s note: Every Monday morning our internet-savvy friends over at BuzzFeed will bring you up to speed with a post filled with links to some of their favorite items on the web that you might have missed over the weekend. Enjoy!

Unfortunately, the week starts off with some sad news from the music world. Famed… Read More

The Morning’s Top 5 Pop Culture Stories

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1. Vic Mizzy, the composer who wrote the theme songs for The Addams Family and Green Acres has died at 93. [via ArtsBeat]
2. Perhaps inspired by the success of his web musical Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Joss Whedon will direct an episode of Glee. [via Ausiello Files]
3. One lucky fan’s “character” will appear in an upcoming episode of The Simpsons featuring Coldplay’s Chris Martin. [via NME]
4. Bring on the ’80s anthems: Broadway’s Rock of Ages is coming to the big screen. [via Variety]
5. Boston Globe on Shepard Fairey: “The cover-up demonstrates his shameless disregard for artistic endeavors that aren’t his… Read More

There Will Be Catfights: This Year’s Tony Award Noms By the Numbers

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Theater folk are no doubt freaking out this morning, as they’re want to do around early May every year: It’s Tony Nominations Day! The best way to get a good first impression of what’s going here is by nomination count. Check out our numeric breakdown/running commentary after the jump. Spoiler alert: Those three dancing brats from Billy Elliot managed to smoke everyone else’s ass.
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Hair in Do-Rag of Nylon Mag Hair Feature (Or: Tales From The Third Dimension of PR)

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That fashion think-tank-cum-magazine renowned for putting mostly undeservedly famous figures on their covers, NYLON, posted a feature on their site in which they delve into an area of coverage they’re not particularly known for: theatre. While theatre professionals (and publicity-seeking producers) can appreciate newcomers to the game, those who enjoy reading about theatre (or even readers of NYLON, who probably aren’t hosed that easily) are likely to be suspect towards this piece on the cast of Hair, who got their — wait for it — hair done by a Bumble & Bumble stylist during the interview. Oof.
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Boozing on Broadway? Rock of Ages Introduces Table Service

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It seems that “in this economy” (we’re going to start putting that in quotes from now on. Apparently it’s now a requisite lead to any cultural news story), theatre-goers are looking for more perks on Broadway than just an overpriced souvenir program to take home at the end of the night. So why not get them sloshed? Perhaps in the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day (erm, or not), producers of Rock of Ages have announced that they’re starting to serve drinks to patrons during the show. We can foresee just a few problems with this.
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