The Third Rail: A Damn Fine Cup of Coffee — Twin Peaks Drinks

At long last, David Lynch’s Twin Peaks has returned in a legitimate online release. Fans of this bizarre television drama finally have a chance to prove to Lost and Heroes followers why their shows’ conspiracies can’t hold a candle to the weirdness that inhabited the little town of Twin Peaks. Case in point: Log Lady, a medium whose message from a psychic log are taken seriously by FBI Agent Dale Cooper.

Twin Peaks had a sordid, circuitous journey before finally making its way to becoming legally available again. Thanks to over a decade of legal wrangling, what was originally broadcast on ABC is now streaming online on CBS’s site. Unfortunately, what seems like a terrific opportunity to catch up on this classic series instead turns out help prove the point that the New York Times made recently: the studios just can’t beat digital piracy. The show’s essential pilot episode isn’t included so you still have to bootleg it (which is easy) and the CBS online video has a bad habit of suddenly reloading mid-episode.

But the series is well worth the trouble. And so while you wait for the CBS page to load (or, um, for your .rar files to download) here are a few things that you should try drinking to get in the strange, strange mood. Warning: intoxicating spoilers ahead.

The Twin Peaks Cocktail: The show has been around long enough now that it has earned its own cocktail. Actually more than one, but this recipe is the best, IMO. Stir 1 ½ oz blended whiskey, ½ oz Dubonnet Rouge vermouth, and a tsp of Cointeau with ice, strain and add a twist of lemon. Though show creator David Lynch has given up drinking in favor of meditation, this drink offers another path to transcendence.

The Laura Palmer Cocktail: Santa Cruz, California’s Red Restaurant and Bar concocted this tribute to the teenage sexpot whose murder sets the series in motion. Red’s menu calls for “house-infused organic rose tea vodka, fresh lemon, iced tea, citronage…served over ice.” Sounds nice, but for those of us not heading to Santa Cruz anytime soon there’s another option: 1 oz lemon juice, 1 oz pineapple juice, 2 oz tequila, 2 oz vodka, 2 oz triple sec. Like its namesake, this drink seems too sweet but has a lot of darker secrets to it.

One-Eyed Jacks: Get your mind out of the gutter; I’m talking about a different One-Eyed Jack. This one is the Canadian brothel that plays host to the incest and underage sex themes in the show (oh those Canadians). The drink is just as depraved: a pint of beer plus a shot of citrus-flavored rum and a shot of vodka. Not recommended drinking for the first season, but perhaps a few of these might help make sense of the show’s famously nuts conclusion? Well, it certainly couldn’t become less strange, and this just may be the drink needed to accept that an evil spirit can be named Bob.