Open Letter to The CW: Melrose Place 2.0 Will Work If You Steal the Cast of The Hills

While Vulture might think a CW remake of MELROSE PLACE is a terrible idea, we think it’s awesome.

Why? We were always bigger fans of the original Melrose than BEVERLY HILLS, 90210 because the ’90s soap offered a more over-the-top brand of escapist fun — it was never based in anything that resembled reality.

Sure, Donna Martin was expelled, thrown down a flight of stairs, almost raped at knife point, and held hostage in a TV station over the course of the series. But in one episode of Melrose Amanda Woodward broke into an asylum to rescue her boyfriend who was scheduled for a lobotomy by his former psych patient, only to be held captive, escape, and watch as he then got arrested for suspected murder. And that’s not even the end. Then she marries him in jail so that she doesn’t have to testify against him only to discover that he’s been lying to her this whole time about his real identity.

That, ladies and gentlemen is must-see TV.

Before you get too excited, you need to know two things; The Hollywood Reporter says they’re still looking for a writer to pen the project and creator DARREN STAR is not involved.

Regardless, Flavorwire is already moving forward with casting for the main roles; to keep things easy for everyone we’re cherry picking from the cast of another scripted nighttime soap that’s currently filmed in L.A. — THE HILLS.

Our picks after the jump.

Billy Campbell, a charming cab driver who wants to be a writer — BRODY JENNER
Jake Hansen, an unemployed tough guy with a motorcycle — JUSTIN BOBBY
Dr. Michael Mancini, a philandering intern — SPENCER PRATT
Jane Mancini, a boutique clerk who wants to get pregnant — HEIDI MONTAG
Alison Parker, a plucky receptionist with dreams of an advertising career — WHITNEY PORTER
Amanda Woodward, the powerful advertising exec who manipulates them all — LAUREN CONRAD