Face it. Scribbling angrily in your journal isn’t enough, and passive-aggressive Facebook status updates can have nasty side effects (plus, your mom is starting to worry). Nope, you’re going to have to kick that dude (or lady) to the curb. Whether the offender is a slimy two-timer or just an unwanted barroom Casanova, the only way to unleash the fury you have towards that certain non-special someone is a healthy dose of aggro in musical form. This way, no one gets hurt, and you’re expanding your sonic horizons at the same time. Everyone wins! Except for the jerk who treated you badly. Have fun with that karma, pal, and leave us your favorite kiss-off anthem in the comments.
Ke$ha – “Dinosaur”
You can learn a lot about Ke$ha’s taste in one-night stands by listening to her songs. If you look like Mick Jagger, you’re all set, but if you’re simply Mick Jagger’s age and more closely resemble Keith Richards? Psh, you’re just an old man, and you need a CAT scan.
The Pantless Knights – “Puke in My Mouth”
A response to the Lonely Island’s “Jizz in My Pants” (a gold record in Australia… no, seriously), comedy troupe Pantless Knights offer a convenient solution to dance club weirdos: puke in your mouth! Their resulting disgust combined with the sight of your fake wedding ring will get ‘em gone quickly. “You’ve ruined my night, esophagus hurts / Take a hint, I’m not here to flirt.” Oh, and creepers? Stay out of yoga class.
April March – “Chick Habit”
If it worked for the scorned ladies of Death Proof, it can work for the everygirl. This blistering little number is a swift reminder that girls aren’t for quick fixes… and that bubble, she’s gonna burst.
TLC – “No Scrubs”
In the early days of Facebook, we recall a certain group gaining many followers in a matter of days. It was called, “Hollering Out of Your Car Will Not Make Me Want to Have Sex with You.” Before women could band together against creepers via social networking, TLC gave us the ultimate anti-gross dude anthem: “No Scrubs.” Get a job, loser!
Salt-n-Pepa – “None of Your Business”
“None of Your Business” is just a classic, full of brilliant quips, from “Opinions are like assholes, and everybody’s got one” to the kicker, “The moral of this story is, who are you to judge? There’s only one true judge and that’s God. So chill, and let my father do his job.” The song is both a feminist anthem and the best way we can imagine to tell busybodies, exes and suitors who won’t butt out, and jerky real-life concern trolls to step off.
