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I remember when I first moved to Brooklyn — anything past the Bedford stop might as well have been Suffolk county, and once I memorized my path to and from the Atlantic/Pacific station, I dared venture almost nowhere else. It was silly and sad, really. And that’s why I’m not quite as damning as many online commenters toward poor Bonnie Lee, who wrote up some really terrible summations of her newly adopted borough’s ‘hoods for the Brooklyn Examiner. Not only were they plain wrong (no white people in Windsor Terrace?!), they also betrayed her own naivete and proved just how soaking wet she was behind her Brooklyn ears. Why was she writing this guide to the multifaceted county of Kings?
Well, I guess her editors eventually came to question her authority, too (perhaps after getting some unwanted attention from Brownstoner, who called her out originally), because all of the descriptions have now been taken down! Where’s the Internet Miss Manners when you need her? Lee now says she’ll resume a more thorough exploration of Brooklyn this weekend.
But really, I have a feeling Flavorwire readers could do a much more comprehensive job, anyway. So: keeping up the abbreviated memoir trend, I’m asking all NYC residents to describe their nabes in just six words. Leave your odes to Sheepshead Bay, Jackson Heights, or the Upper West Side in the comments section below. The best and brightest will go into an open letter we plan on addressing to Ms. Lee and the Examiner, so please be both witty and precise.
Not in New York? Don’t worry, we’ll be asking folks in all the Flavorpill cities to contribute in the near future.
[Editor's note: The kickass image accompanying this piece is an Ork Poster that we own. You should own one too.]
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214 Responses
I'm sorry, how exactly do you buck stereotypes in 6 words? It seems that one of the reasons that Bonnie Lee's "naive" attempt to describe NYC neighborhoods was a failure is because the exercise itself is futile. I doubt Flavorpill will do any better, and I'm sure the attempt is just as naive. Leah pretty much admitted to that, right?
Washington Heights – Dominican empanadas Warm the Hudson River.
Red Hook – No way in, no way out.
not all of her descriptions were six words. in fact, most were at least one or two sentences. i think it was naive of her to think she could portray the neighborhoods accurately to a bunch of fellow residents, without (seemingly) having done any research or visiting herself. it read almost like a non-resident had looked each area up on wikipedia and boiled it down from there. it's a shame (for our own analysis) that the orig post has been removed, but brownstoner has some excerpts…
my idea was to have a bit more fun with the conceit, while also getting, you know, the facts straight. i think you can be succinct without over-generalizing and stereotyping. submissions (like the six-word memoirs, themselves) will likely be more personal accounts of certain elements of an area that bring that reader joy (or rage, as the case may be). and, b/c people must be so economical with their words, perhaps they will alight upon what they think is the true heart of their 'hood.
i'll post some later today, myself.
Windsor Terrace – Bagels, foam-cup beer, old trees.
Morningside Heights – Sucks. Thank God for the locals.
Park Slope — No good way to Williamsburg, Baby(s)
Astoria – Greeks, Gays, and Boyfriended Girls.
South Slope: What happened to Greenwood Heights?
Windsor Terrace : Old White Trash , New White Yuppies
Park Slope : Pretty houses, self absorbed phony people
Sunset Park : Asians and Latinos collide. Not pretty
Soho wannabes living on a Condo graveyard
Take a guess….
Greenpoint: Gondry, Harefield Road, the olds, me.
I'll bite:
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS: We've got greens!
Inwood – You are still in Manhattan. Really.
Red Hook – Big project, big IKEA, no subway.
Ft. Greene — Best date ever: Habana, BAM, Moe's
Ditmas Park – Sesame Street, with Tibetan 'Hooper's Store'
Brooklyn Heights: Why is everyone so old?
Morningside Heights: Few reasons to leave my dorm.
Park Slope: It's midnight, Whitey it's your stop.
Cobble Hill: That did not last very long
Hoboken: Why is the cab so expensive?
Park Slope: Entitled organic babies will hate u
Red Hook: Can I stay at your place?
Dumbo: Might as well live in Manhattan
Cobble Hill: Can we please have a Chili's?
staten island : no we're not in new jersey
neighborhood haikus! effing brill.
geographically speaking, Brooklyn is on Long Island…
prospect heights: coop, bikeshop, gorilla coffee, later 'burg.
Carroll Gardens: Great food. Whiney locals hate change.
Vinegar Hill: cobblestone, backyards, where did everyone go?
carroll gardens: real and not desperate for attention.
This one is great! Nice job :)
Bay Ridge: Guidos still stayin' alive!
Far Rockaway: Far and lonely with riptides
Ozone Park: Jerry Springer meets The Outsiders
East New York: Still a fuckin' shooting range!
Park Slope: All the caveats of Manhattan
Bushwick: Hipster who like to get mugged!
Sheepshead Bay: transitioning from Italian guidos to Russian
Midwood: Where Jews with money buy
Dumbo: never going to be cool @ $3000/month
Williamsburg: i dont get it
Eastern Parkway: Bought here in 2002? $$$!
haha yes, you're right. lest i pull a bonnie lee, let me rephrase to "might as well have been Suffolk county."
thank you!
Kensington – where new developments go to die
[...] your nabe “home.” But can you verbalize what makes it unique in six words or less? Flavorwire wants you to try it (and we do too). Harder than you think, isn’t it? Some [...]
Financial District: How come everything closes at seven?
the village: nyu kids protest their own protests
stuy town: grandparents, new parents, around the oval
Prospect Heights: Gentrifiers hardly notice the occasional gunshot.
Washington Heights – No, crackhead, cannot borrow my phone.
Park Slope: Suburban losers trying to be hip.
DUMBO: Dickheads, Useless Motherfuckers, Blowhards, Ogres
Crown Heights: Jew, Black, Jew, Black, Jew, Black
Park Slope: how is my rent cheaper than williamsburg? Oh, right, THOSE rich kids are "cool".
South Williamsburg: Reggaeton and indie rock compete loudly.
prospect heights: tom's, park, soda bar, museum, patties
pk slope: babies, babies, babies, babies, babies, babies
Astoria: more than just Bohemian Beer Garden
pro hts: jamaican dem editor-types crazy!
lefferts gardens: park slope's better half, trini-town
Greenpoint: The blob is coming for you
Toxic plume? Sewage? Have some pierogies!
What?!?! Asians and Latinos make beautiful babies.
east williamsburg:
finally found tapatio hot sauce here.
West Village: Porn shops, Smoke shops, still gay.
Cobble Hill: Strollers bulldoze hipsters on slate sidewalks
Tribeca: How is fermented grain 19 bucks?
Ridgewood: Dude, you wanna go to…? No.
Ditmas Park: Give it up, it's all Flatbush
Astoria: not the same without gerry mak
Ridgewood: When you're poor and fearing Bushwick
Caton Park: A mystery wrapped inside a secret
Sheepshead Bay: Seagulls shitting on an Iroc-Z
Manhattan Beach: Rich and pampered meets community college campus
Bay Ridge: Miles of bars you won't admit youve entered
Westchester: A county, not a gated community
Hell's Kitchen: Awesomer than Port Authority might suggest
Bushwick: Still sketchy, despite class of '08
Murray Hill: Douchebags, stop screaming outside my window
Ft. Greene: Still more black than white.
Atlantic Avenue, Boerum Hill – the Marais of Brooklyn.
New Jersey: I can afford to live here.
New Jersey (take 2): haha suckers, I've got a yard
east village: hipsters in the best way possible
that's not greenpoint, that's williamsburg.
Boerum Hill – not on a hill at all.
Upper East Side– Real estate thieves abound, Caribbean nannys
Upper East Side — haha sucker — I've a yard, too
Park Slope: Park+Subways+Restaurants+Schools=Good Investment
People's Republic of Upper West Side.
Bushwick: Crest of the gentrification wave
Williamsburg (graham stop): old Italians warmer than organic latte
West Village: rent control is an urban legend
east village: hipsterless for a decade now
red hook: real industry, boats, art, $10,000,000 view
South Street Seaport: cobblestones, bridge to past, fish bones.
Murray Hill: Search for decent food elsewhere
Murray Hill: Displaced young B&T crowd go home
Murray Hill: why are we so overdressed
Murray Hill: Trader Joe's we need you
3rd Ave in Murray Hill: Douche-tastic bar crowds
Kensington: Everybody fits in here. Real America!
Bedford Park- Sounds Nice except its the BRONX
Brooklyn Heights/Cobble Border: People a lot richer than me.
Kensington: Everybody fits in here. Real America!
Williamsburg: The new Park Slope
Greepoint and Bushwick: The new Williamsburg
Sheepshead Bay: last stop on the CRAZY train.
Bensonhurst: remember when it was only italians?
Park Slope: dangerous. kinda cool. cool. not cool.
W. Village: $$too expensive to even comment on$$
Kingsbridge (N. Bronx): Almost 'burbs but no decent restaurants.
Park Slope: Where yuppies go to spawn. Yawn.
BilleeBurg: Hipsters are losers with trust funds.
Brooklyn Heights: Upper Eastside prices without good doctors
the dead zone on 14th & 6th (Manhattan): poop bandit drops nocturnal stoop bombs
Jackson Heights – polyglot voices and bellies.
East Village: strange how NYU students ruined it
Prospect Heights: your next multicultural homey borough, really!
Why does everyone keep saying that about Park Slope? It's mad old now, all the kids are teenagers in Park Slope, all the yuppies spawning and baby strollers are in Wililamsburg now.
Astoria: The world in 2.25 square miles.
South Williamsburg: Sincerity and Struggle Threaten Pretention's Reign
West Harlem: Harlem Renaissance, classic brownstones, no restaurants
East Harlem: Schomburg, soul food, gunfire like popcorn
East Village: Once rad, now yuppie and trad
West Village: Rich bores and tourism for gays
Park Slope: Working-class whites then lesbians then yuppies
Fort Greene: From Black Renaissance to white yuppies
UWS: Wealthy people with political, social consciousness
UES: Wealthy people with no consciousness whatsoever
Williamsburg: Ugly architecture, ugly fashion, deluded people
Bushwick: People born there want to move
Ditmas Park: Suburban fantasy 30 minutes from Manhattan
Crown Heights: Yahweh's people, Jah's people don't mix
Crown Heights: Don't touch me, skeevy old man!
Astoria: Greece, Italy, Pakistan, such good eatin'!
Hudson Heights – other wise known as lavender heights by some locals but just the "Heights" in Washinton Heights:
Greener, Calmer, Cooler, but no restaurants.
Tribeca: gridlock of strollers, walkers, and limos.
Ditmas Park: Still affordable; we know our neighbors.
Tribeca- cobblestone streets leading to wi-fi-outfitted parks
Central Park West:: Pleasant but Increasingly Overleveraged Park View
Hunter's Point/LIC: Great view, great Italian, hideous highrises.
Sheepshead Bay: El Greco in my Maxima, son
Sunset Park: Bodegas sell Presidente all night long
Inwood: kudo's to the Times, *Upstate Manhattan*
East Village – You can meet everyone having coffee.
Park Slope: Lesbians with strollers, Jonathan Safran Foer
BATTERY PARK CITY: More babies than dogs, just barely.
BAYSIDE: Mixtures of man alive in 718
Yes! A really perfect description.
Park Slope: It's only pretty on the outside.
Windsor Terrace: Park Slope with a soul.
Red Hook: If I only wouldn't need a car …
Chelsea: Mean gays and bad art …
Riverdale (Bronx): Old people enmeshed peacfully with "boring."
Upper East Side: Free range area for plastic surgery nightmares.
Upper West Side: Other plastic surgery nightmare free range.
Hell's Kitchen: Remember when you could afford Chelsea?
that is great! and so so true great place
Greenpoint, Brooklyn: Polish- Parks- Pollution- Perogies- Pitbulls- Perseverance
Williamsburg: hipsters + yuppies = time to move on
Hunter's Point/LIC: Old Italians departed; newcomers seem generic.
Williamsburg (graham stop): Italians noticeably warmer after baby arrives
Hop Devil Grill best in nabe
Jackson Heights: tacos, samosas, empanadas, arepas, old people
West Village – distinct trend wrapped in vibrant history
Would love to but since no can make up their mind if I live in Cobble Hill or Boreum Hill…Sorry more than 6 words.
Bushburg: 11211 with half the attitude
a thought as original as the neighborhood nickname
Queens, and I speak for all of it, better than brooklyn, part of NYC.
East Village: weekends collared shirts on accountants
Sunset Park to Prospect Heights – Beautiful culture clash, hole in the wall best tasting gourmet food, 99 cent deluxe havens, taco trucks that take you to mexico, some of the best friends you will find and parks where you can actually cop a squat! I <3 Brooklyn!
Bed Stuy — Just planted trees on my block!
~Claire
Hells Kitchen … narrow sidewalks paralleling many bad restaurants
Bi-racial beauties meet foodies in park
whoops – that was intended for Fort Greene…
Park Slope: Co-op, unadulterated, parental fever enclave. Clean.
Park Slope: Your stroller's in my way.
moes ain't the best date there. Are we forgetting the beautiful park three blocks away?!
Flatbush: The "other" side of Prospect Park.
Chelsea: boys still strut, prepare to highline
or
Chelsea: the kinder gentler meatpacking paradise
Hell's Kitchen: Today, less hell, lots more kitchens
East Flatbush: Former Manhattanites moving in every weekend.
Bronx: Couldn't pay me to live there.
lower east side:
there's no reason to ever leave
East Village: Men tattooed from head to toe.
Washinton Heights: needs a good old crime wave.
East Flatbush: Dollar Cab is the new green.
Flatbush: West-Indians have fun after Labor Day.
Battery Park City?
bensonhurst — you know what im sayin
Ha!
UES-stroller-mommy or West Indian nanny armies clog the sidewalks. Overprivileged brats go to their overpriced private schools in Tory Burch and Burberry, even in this economy. No decent take-out.
Ibrox, Glasgow, UK – alcholics hang outside the homeless hostel
european malcontents, rejected brooklynites and mexicans.
except black ppl
w.village= tourists' rent-control crackpot petting zoo.
soho= eurochic bears clamber shrinking ice floes.
tribeca= infantilized jewish dads, 50 shows daily.
UWS: multi-baby strollers: the new black
Red Hook: Industrial frontier; plenty of pie, beer.
Columbia Waterfront: Five dollar buckets of beer. Views.
west village: I live in a movie set
lower east side: want some kosher meat or tacos?
Carroll Gardens: Yuppies and French versus old Italians
Ditmas Park: Himalayian sushi eating leftist anti-hipsters
williamsburg – rayban-yuppies-endorsed go to bedford
UES: Egos everywhere plastered over douche city
Woodlands Rd, Glasgow: Tenements with no living rooms
Huntington: I hate seeing everyone from (high) school.
Ravenswood, Queens: Industrial wasteland with a nice view.
greenwich village: old bohos better than kids with campus cash
Bushwick: carry mace and craving for KFC
East Village: Still gritty amid the Yuppy uprising
Venice: Entering Tsunami Hazard Zone.
Financial District: Still no Word Trade Center replacement.
Devon- The savings the council have made are rubbish – I know thats more then six but its true!
Woodside – "The Center of New York City."
(google it. Woodside is the geographic center of NYC, and also its most culturally diverse, and one of the least gentrified. thank goodness.)
Crown Heights: It's like an invasion. Colonialism redux.
That's a great one.
Harlem: Brownstones, Fried Chicken, Churches, and history.
Long Island City: Flashy condos clashing with industrial grit
The Bronx! Home of endless talent!
East Village: Ghosts of poets on every corner.
East Village: Drunk frat boy, narssisitic, ugly american wankers
W'burg-strollers, Converse. UES-strollers, Jimmy Choos
People don't live in Bayside because they want to.
Clinton Hill: Bikes Beers Bodegas G ta-the F
Yorkville: The 'burbs without the commute.
West Bushwick not East Williamsburg bitches
So true.
Crown Heights: Saris, dreadlocks, mangos, some white kids
Upper West Side: Twins, Hypersexual 50s demographic, Park, Hudson.
Platano Heights: Sidewalk Beachfront Estates, yes we can.
Upper East Side: As rents collapse, the recolonization begins.
Forest Hills: Tree-lined, old-fashioned, and covered in sequins.
Jackson Heights: My GOD this food is good.
Murray Hill: or Murray Hell, fratastic as ever,
SoHo: eurotrash take your picture, leave you their trash
Canarsie: Best looking guys in the 1970s.
Sunset Park: ¿No hablar chino? Then learn Spanish.
Let me know when you're giving Seattle/Capitol Hill a turn! If you're interested check out http://www.riceonthehill.com for similar topics :)
3rd Ave: dress up and go to TONIC!
upper west side: rent control ruins a jew's soul.
Cow is town mascot. Send condolences.
In response to Dan’s comment (Carrol Gardens: Great food. Whiney locals hate change.) Carroll Gardens: Great food. Whiney transplants act entitled.
Crown Heights:
Car alarm sings gospel, walks tall.