Matthew McConaughey’s Guide to Life

It’s hard not to like Matthew McConaughey, at least a little bit. He’s the perennial Hollywood frat dude, the Miller Lite-swillin’, beach-bummin’, bare-chested good ol’ boy who pops up on occasion to star in a romantic comedy or rescue some cats from torture at the hands of teenagers. He seems to have taken his role as the slacker David Wooderson in Dazed and Confused to heart. So much so, in fact, that he named a charitable foundation after one of the lines of his character:

“You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.”

And so McConaugheys  j.k. livin — the “j” is for just, the “k” is for keep — was born, with the aim of  helping teenagers stay in school, so that they can grow up to be excellent people (we paraphrase.) The website for j.k. livin is a veritable treasure trove of McConaughey fun facts and weird truisms, not to mention t-shirts. And even more: it reveals some of the fundamental principles on how to live your life the McConaughey way — which, as far as we can tell, is mostly about keeping your cool in every situation. Below, for your perusal, the McConaughey principles of life.

No matter how bad things get, remember that marijuana exists: McConaughey sells t-shirts for j.k. livin’ emblazoned with one of his life philosophies: “If you’re high enough, the sun is always shining.”

Just chill out, maaaaaaaaaan: One of McConaughey’s favorite truisms: “If it’s hangin’, it’s a fruit; if it’s chasin’ the sun, it’s a vegetable, and a trunk is just a root gettin’ some sun.”

Cook things, and don’t forget the garlic: “Garlic is good nectar,” says the McConaughey.

Keep on tannin’: McConaughey explains his perpetually bronzed self: “I’m solar-powered.”

Accept compliments with grace: The best response, according to the M-Dawg, is to say, “It’s the company you keep.”

Don’t be a cry-baby: “A tenderfoot: someone who is overly sensitive to a situation or grievance…usually derivative of self-consumation [What?] and that occasional perspective of the world revolving around oneself…Don’t be a tenderfoot about it.”

Play Hollywood, don’t let it play you: “Learn how to play the game…They pick you up in a limo and take you home in a cab.”

Stop using so much salt already: “Why do the ‘to go’ salt packets have 10 times as much salt in them as the pepper packets? If we want to reduce high blood pressure, we need to reduce the amount of salt in the packets…also, make the holes in saltshakers smaller.”

Be inclusive with your conjunctions: “Use ‘and’ instead of ‘or.'”