In the wake of last night’s midterm elections, we imagine many of our readers have turned to drink (or plan to, come five o’clock). Allow us to help you out with that. Inspired by HTMLGiant’s wonderful list of Writer Cocktails, we bring you 10 brand-new Artist Cocktails, meant to embody everyone from Rothko and van Gogh to Jeff Koons and Pipilotti Rist. As you might have guessed, some of them are disgusting.
Image viaMark Rothko’s Suicide Sunrise
– Seagrams 7 – Lemonade – Several drops of fresh blood
To imitate the appearance of Rotko’s late “multiform” paintings, don’t mix after adding the blood.
The Old Guitarist image viaPablo Picasso’s Blue Hawaiian Period
– Light rum – Spanish Orujo – Blue Curacao – Pineapple juice – Sweet and sour mix
Garnish with guitar pick.
Red Poppy image viaGeorgia O’Keefe’s Fuzzy Vulva
– Vodka – Peach schnapps – Honey syrup
Mix with bone of dead desert animal.
Jeff Koons’s Mondo Metallic Martini
– Gin (10 liters) – Goldschlager (8 liters) – Apple schnapps (5 liters)
Combine ingredients over ample ice in 50-liter shaker and strain into 10-foot tall martini glass.
Glass of Absinthe and a Carafe image viaVincent van Gogh’s Green Fairytale
– Absinthe – Sugar cubes – Water
Garnish with your own severed ear — because it’s coming off anyway. Better to chop it off while you’re still sober enough to make a clean cut.
From Gravity, Be My Friend viaPipilotti Rist’s Hypercolor Spiked Juicebox
– Gin – Muddled strawberries – Brightly colored, berry-flavored juice box
Drink half the juice, then cut the top off the box. Add the gin and strawberries and stir with plastic straw. Make sure to drink sloppily, so that the cocktail stains your mouth red.
Salvador Dalí’s Melting Clocktail
– Bacardi 151 – Ice – Fire
Garnish with your own watch (you won’t need it where you’re going). Make sure you don’t set your mustache aflame! Warning: Down one of these and your memory may do the opposite of persist.
Damien Hirst’s Million-Dollar Martini
– Gin (any old handle will do) – Vermouth
Shake well. Garnish with a strip of shark jerky and a handful of diamonds.
Marina Abromovic’s Body Shot
– Naked man – Naked woman – Tequila – Salt – Lime
In order to pass through this narrow doorway, you’re going to have to do a shot of tequila, suck the lime wedge out of the man’s mouth, and lick the salt from between the woman’s breasts.
Marcel Duchamp’s Urinal Scorpion Bowl
– Dark rum – Brandy – Orange juice – Orgeat syrup
Serve in actual urinal, and share with friends. Anyone who doesn’t want to drink out of the urinal is an ignorant traditionalist afraid to break the shackles of bourgeois conformity.