Happy Birthday, Woody Allen: 75 of His Best Quotes

Today Woody Allen — who was born and raised in Brooklyn as Allen Konigsberg — turns 75. To help celebrate a man who is arguably as famous for his neurotic outlook on life as he is his filmmaking, we’ve decided to roundup 75 of his best quotes. Some of them come from his films, while others are from his everyday life. The connecting thread? Almost all of them have to do with sex, death, or God, three of Allen’s favorite subjects.

Film still from Annie Hall (1977)

1. “I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” – from a stand-up routine

2. “To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.” – from Stardust Memories

3. “That sex was the most fun I’ve ever had without laughing.” – from Annie Hall

4. “Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” – from A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy

5. “I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy myself, but I didn’t.” – from The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

6. “You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.” – from Manhattan

7. “The man who said ‘I’d rather be lucky than good’ saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It’s scary to think so much is out of one’s control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn’t and you lose.” – from Match Point

8. “Between the Pope and air conditioning, I’d choose air conditioning.” – from Deconstructing Harry

9. “Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you’re not nauseous.” – from Sleeper

10. “I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don’t care about the films. I don’t care if they’re flushed down the toilet after I die.”

11. “To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.” from a 2010 New York Times interview

12. “Honey, there’s a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.” – from Annie Hall

13. “I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.” – from Bananas

14. “I feel like we’re in a Noel Coward play. Someone should be making martinis.” – from Manhattan

15. “I can’t enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.” – from Annie Hall