The Year in Disturbing Celebrity Book Deals

Celebrity book deals practically exist to piss us off. While there are certainly exceptions to the rule (such as the recent, glowingly reviewed tomes by Jay-Z and Steve Martin, as well as Patti Smith’s National Book Award-winning memoir), most stars just aren’t writers. And few things are more annoying — especially for those of us who write for a living, or have aspirations of doing so — than the news that a functionally illiterate reality TV star is preparing to “write” a memoir, children’s book, or novel. After the jump, we take a look at the year’s most irritating examples, from the Salahis to Snooki.

Susan Boyle

Curious about what Boyle, who rose to fame as the frumpy 47-year-old virgin with a beautiful voice, has been doing all her life? We aren’t, but that didn’t stop British publisher Transworld from handing the singer a deal to write the memoir The Woman I Was Born to Be about the making of an unlikely diva. As she said in a statement, “When I strutted on to the stage for that audition, I was a scared wee lassie, still grieving for my mother, not caring how I looked. I think I’ve grown up a lot in the last year, become more of a lady, and I’m not so frightened anymore.” Okay, we stopped reading after “wee lassie,” but — “wee lassie”! There is someone in the world who actually talks like this! Sold.