Christmas time is here again, time for laughter, time for gin. If only that were how the lyrics to that song actually went, the holidays would be a lot more merry. At any rate, as you have no doubt already become aware, Christmas brings with it many obligations to buy gifts. And all that shopping brings you into close contact with any number of classic, terrible Christmas songs. But is “Wonderful Christmas Time” really as awful as it seems? Here at Flavorpill, we have taken it upon ourselves to find ten holiday albums so terrible they’ll make you appreciate “Last Christmas” for the gem that it truly is — at least, by comparison.
Keith Sweat – A Christmas of Love
There is almost nothing more uncomfortable than an overtly sexy Christmas. Sure, who doesn’t get drunk at the company party and maybe French someone they shouldn’t? But when your lead single is about getting it on like Santa Claus would, you are in trouble. Christmastime is the time for love. Not sexual harassment. When your second single starts “One, two, three, and to the four/Christmastime and we down for sure,” followed by, “Let’s have a party baby ‘cos it’s Christmastime,” then you know you have not written something that will play in department stores over the holidays. Keith Sweat is awesome, but he couldn’t find a classic Christmas jam if Dr. Luke wrote it for him and put Ke$ha on the chorus. He is simply too sexy for Christ.
Comments (16)
As a kid I was once forced to attend a Christmas party at a friend of the family’s place, during which Mariah Carey’s excruciating Christmas album was played over and over and over again. The fucking thing is imprinted on my brain for all time, and the experience still gives me festive shudders whenever I think about it.
Best Christmas song ever: The Gonads, ‘Oi! Oi! Oi! Bollocks to Christmas!’
Sadly, I bought said Mariah Carey album at age… 7? 8? The tape is probably still sitting in a box somewhere at my parents’ place.
You forgot the REO Speedwagon’s “NOT So Silent Night,” which single handedly melted the North Pole with terribleness last year.
http://invertedsoapbox.com/2009/12/15/album-review-reo-speedwagon-made-a-christmas-album-my-night-miserable/
@Judy – we all have our crosses to bear. As it were.
Tori Amos: whatever the hell she called it. For someone whose entire career is interspersed with great holiday covers (her “Have Yourself a Merry Little Xmas” wrecks me), it’s an abject failure to release a full xmas album that sounds like Perez Hilton wrote it.
Thank you for not putting Hanson’s Christmas album on this list. That was my jams, yo.
I kind of love the Mariah Carey Xmas album (version 1, am afraid of version 2 out in a Whole Foods near you now). I mean, you gotta give it to her for nailing it with her version of “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”
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why is the black dude EXTRA sweaty in the Christmas Can Can video?
please flavor___, change your format. i am so sick of having to open ten pages to read a list. that would be the best new year’s resolution for you/gift for us ever.
attach a “Like” button to davey’s comment.
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you forgot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8jw-ifqwkM
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[...] The Worst Christmas Albums Of All Time [...]
RunDMC had the best christmas song ever
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