What’s Really Going On with the New Zodiac?

Yesterday, we were a little shocked when we heard about the zodiac shakeup and more than a little upset that we had to throw away our cheeky “LEO PRIDE” pins. But the debate hasn’t exactly died now that the powers that be (read: the science world and those 800-number TV psychics) are arguing whether or not the Earth’s wobbling actually changes anyone’s sign. After the jump, check out our rundown of the latest developments in Zodiac-Gate, especially if you’re one of those Aries who won’t stop posting angry tweets about surrendering your sign.

•  Because the moon caused the Earth to wobble just a little, the time frames of all the world’s astrological signs supposedly shifted, and a new calendar circulated to successfully blow the entire Internet’s collective mind.

•  Now, however, CNN and others are reporting that, according to the tropical zodiac that Western astrology adheres to, no one’s sign changes. Yesterday’s hubbub was based on sidereal zodiac, which is based on constellations and would put the zodiac off by a month because of the change in cosmic alignment. Tropical zodiac, which has been fixed to the seasons since Ptolemy codified it, fixes the start of Aries to the vernal equinox, Libra to the autumnal, and all others in their previously-accepted places.

•  Those who still put their stock in the sidereal school can say hello to the thirteenth astrological sign, Ophiuchus, which falls from November 29 to December 17. Although it may sound made up, it’s most definitely not: the sign is named after a real, live constellation also known as Serpentarius, the serpent-holder, which is arguably more badass than most signs.

•  The gloriously vague personality traits that come attached to each sign and determine compatibility with other signs haven’t become fully established for Ophiuchuses yet. But we’re on our way! Some favorites from one wacky zodiac website’s “List of Key Words Describing the Sign of Ophiuchus” include: “likes to wear clothing of vibrant colors, and plaids in particular” and “the number twelve holds great significance.”

•  Sadly, most newspapers and astrology websites don’t have a horoscope today for Ophiuchuses. We’ve come up with what we think is an acceptable substitute, however: “Today, some things will happen to you, and you will feel some way because of it. Or something.” We know you so well!