Acclaimed filmmaker and pillar of New German Cinema Werner Herzog may be the most beloved cynic of all time. Inarguably brilliant and completely deadpan in the delivery of his bleak worldview, he finds nature to be “violent and base,” believes the universe to be completely random and godless, and thinks there are too many “vitamins” in vegetarian food. He also was once shot during an interview and refused to go to the hospital or take a break, showing his interviewer the bloody wound and shrugging, muttering that “it was not a significant bullet.” That’s some serious German stoicism for you.
Beloved as he is, there are a wealth of fantastic parodies based on Herzog’s attitude in relatively normal situations. In our roundup of the best Werner Herzog spoofs out there, watch as he reads classic children’s books in his droll, stoic voice, fixes a car, tries to cook something, and looks for love.
Werner Herzog reads Where’s Waldo?
“Is that a scroll? Or merely a rolled-up towel? After trying so hard to find the scroll, are we sure we can handle the real answer?”
Werner Herzog reads Winnie the Pooh
“Pooh wears but one garment, his red shirt. Like Donald Duck, he sees no need for pants in this world. Why spend time each day putting on or taking off pants if you can be doing better things?”
Werner Herzog reads Curious George
“Ah yes, the telephone. Meant to breach great distances, what has it actually done except make us more lonesome? Nevertheless, George is seduced by the ostensible ease of the nefarious device. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling.”
Werner Herzog reads Madeline
“In truth, children are next door to sociopaths.”
Cooking with Werner Herzog
“For ecstatic truth I need the unfiltered pure honey of the African killer bees!”
Auto-Maintenance with Werner Herzog
“You have three broken ribs, multiple lacerations and internal bleeding. You also have a growing deep dissatisfaction with the way your career is progressing.”
Speed Dating with Werner Herzog
“I don’t know too much about that, because happiness is not something that has ever… agreed with me.”