If you’re one of the two million-plus people who watched the instant YouTube classic “Friday” by Rebecca Black this weekend, you may be as confused as we were as to who this girl is and why anyone allowed her to make a music video so unbelievably terrible (other than to ease widespread confusion about which day comes after Thursday). It turns out Rebecca Black is merely one of many products from the brilliant entrepreneurs Patrice Wilson and Clarence Jey, who run Ark Music Factory, an LA based production company designed to take advantage of super-rich kids with pop-star dreams, and their parents’ cash. The results are music videos with surplus production value and a deficit of talent and individuality; aka more YouTube gold. Here’s our guide to a few more essential Ark videos. WE SO EXCITED.
CJ Fam – “Ordinary Pop Star”
This song is a perplexing, self-contained paradox. Nothing about it makes sense. How can you be an “ordinary pop star” without having people want to take your picture and get your autograph? Of course, the biggest irony is that, as CJ Fam sings about how she wishes she wasn’t famous, this video’s existence is proof of her desperate (and apparently failed) attempt to make just that happen. CJ reminds us a little of Celia’s daughter Isabelle from Weeds, before she came out as a lesbian and decided she hated everything her mother stood for. We can only hope the same for CJ’s future.
Kaya – “Can’t Get You Out Of My Mind”
Though she can’t be older than 15, Kaya looks like she’s well on the road to a career as a Ke$ha disciple. This comes off as a little creepy as she sings about a love interest who can’t be younger than 20, and we watch her head to party in “the club.” But, really, don’t we all know how it feels when someone won’t “stop texting [you] with those smiley faces”? It’s hard out there for a fake teen star. At least until the Britney Spears-circa-1999 dance routine kicks off at about two minutes in.
Alana Lee – “Butterflies”
Man, mean girls really suck. Especially when they crumple up your hand-drawn butterfly pictures and, like, totally hold hands with your crush! Don’t worry though, this song has a happy ending. Even Alana’s teacher nods in approval as she reads her heartfelt confession of, um, love(?) to the cutie she’s crushing on (who, thank God, looks like he’s in her general age group).
Britt Rutter – “Without Your Love”
Possibly our favorite entry in the Ark Music Factory catalog, this video chronicles a relationship of infidelity and betrayal that evolves entirely over social media. It’s bizarre, but after some intense cyberbullying, and, as always, a sweet rap interlude by one of Ark’s masterminds, everyone seems pretty happy. Conflict resovled.