We’ve seen some pretty exceptional films lately – Black Swan, The King’s Speech, The Kids Are All Right – but in all our moviegoing, we’ve noticed that something seems missing. Though we love smart dramas and intellectual thrillers, what we’ve been craving is a good old moustachioed villain. You know, like in the good old days, when you always knew who the bad guy was based on his facial hair. Accordingly, we’ve gathered 10 of the most sinister movie moustaches to hold us over until the next archetypal villain hits the big screen. Now, this isn’t a list of the most evil villains in movie history by any means – just a list of the most villainous moustaches. Which, of course, is the most important part. Click through to see our ten favorites, and be sure to add your own picks in the comments!
10. Dr. Fredrickson in Hairspray
John Waters’ famous pencil moustache is downright creepy at the best of times, but as crazy pseudo-psychiatrist Dr. Fredrickson, who tries to hypnotize Penny into only liking white guys with his weirdly phallic machine, it takes on a whole new meaning.
9. White Goodman in Dodgeball
This moustache is equal parts absurdity and evil – but it also has a disturbing quality that makes us feel weird and bad inside.
8. Ed Rooney in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
There’s nothing creepier than a tiny triangle broom moustache of the ginger variety. It’s so demonstrative of the nebbish, angry man who sports it. Save Ferris!
7. Ming the Merciless in Flash Gordon
Now that, friends, is an evil-looking moustache. And those eyebrows do not hurt one bit.
6. Captain James Hook in Hook
Some evil moustaches are enhanced by the eyebrows. Some are enhanced by the teeth. Either way, this one is reaching Salvador Dali territory.
5. Dr. Fu Manchu in The Mask of Fu Manchu
This moustache was so impressive that we still call this kind of facial hair ‘the Fu Manchu.’ But no one could sport it better than Boris Karloff playing the eponymous evil criminal genius.
4. Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood
Plainview rocks the Tom-Selleck-Trust-Me moustache, which only makes his evil deeds that much more horrifying. Magnum, no!
3. Pierre-François Lacenaire in Children of Paradise
Do not be fooled by the over-groomed daintiness of his moustache. Evil lurks in all dandies.
2. Bill “The Butcher” Cutting in Gangs of New York
Yes, Daniel Day Lewis again (of course). We call this the Tom Selleck Plus – and the fact that it’s so ridiculous makes it a hundred times scarier when he’s about to kill you in cold blood.
1. Jack Torrance in The Shining
The scraggliness of his moustache is directly proportional to the amount of his crazy. In the beginning, he’s totally clean shaven – in the end, he has icicles on his ‘stache. It still gives us the shivers.