American Idol Recapped: Saved.

Matt Giraud and his forehead mole lived to see another day when the judges saved them both from elimination during last night’s results show. While the outpouring of good will from the audience slightly thawed our frosty demeanor, we know that Matt’s bailout is just delaying the inevitable. Next week, two contestants will be served their walking papers and we’d bet a special edition American Idol Ford Fusion he’ll be one of them.

Aside from that, the show was mind-numbingly boring. What this season’s competition is missing is a Susan Boyle. For those of you who aren’t familiar, she’s the Scottish woman who stole the tea-soaked hearts of all of the United Kingdom when she auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent. She ain’t much to look at (we think she might even be the fabled monster of Loch Ness), but everyone sure is rooting for her. We can’t say the same of any contestant on AI. In fact, the two clear frontrunners (Adam Lambert and Danny “Hokey Gokey” Gokey) are both so annoying we’d rather wake up naked next to Nessy herself rather than have to see their mugs another week.

Read all about AI’s most recent results show below.

8:59: OK, I don’t care about stupid Bones. Usually, I’m seeing Idol promos by now.

9:00: Idol’s opening sequence tonight = bad rip-off the American Gladiators intro.

9:01: Just to refresh: I think it’s going to be Matt G, Irahetes, and Rounds in the bottom three tonight.

9:02: Wow, Kara got a blow-out. Looks pretty good. Oh, geez. Miley Cyrus is performing tonight. Didn’t she get killed in the Hannah Montana movie? YES! Just when I thought all was lost: Jennifer Hudson is performing too. I bet she’s going to be so good.

9:03: I think I might have to go to the American Idol tour this summer.

9:04: Ford music video from hell begins. This week’s lame concept has the contestants appearing on various magazine covers at a newsstand.

9:05: Group number today is Maniac from Flashdance. I smell a lemon!

9:06: Yup, this sucks. Matt G is doing some pretty good lead vocals though.

9:07: These numbers are very telling because, so far, they’ve all been HORRIBLE. If any of these contestants had any real talent they’d be able to rock out during the group performances. It shows that none of them are very versatile.

9:11: I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is the week that the judges are going to use their save.

9:12: Boring recap of how the contestants went to the premiere of a movie after the show last night. “It was just so awesome,” says Irahetes. I really hope she didn’t wear the outfit she had on during the show down the red carpet.

9:13: I really don’t care about the contestants experience at the premiere of 17 Again.

9:15: Zac Efron is in the audience tonight. “That movie looked like a lot of fun,” says Ry-Guy. The movie, or all of the fresh high school meat in the movie?

9:16: Finally, results: Irahetes is standing. She’s safe.

9:17: Adam is next. Obviously, he’ll be safe. Yup. He’s safe too.

9:18: Anoop is up now. He was really good last night, but I’m not sure America is rooting for him. I’m sick of looking at his eyebrows anyways. He’s the first of the bottom three. We did not predict this one.

9:19: This is total BS. Anoop was good.

9:23: Back from commercial break and it’s a J Hud montage. I can’t wait to hear her perform.

9:24: PS: Love her album. So good.

9:25: She’s doing “If This Isn’t Love” from her debut album. I like this song, but I’m surprised this is the new single. I think there are others that would’ve been much better choices. She looks amazing though.

9:26: This was definitely not the right song for her to do. Her voice sounds amazing, but the background track is all sorts of funky. You can’t even really hear it in parts.

9:27: Alright, she’s gearing up for the big finish. Bring it home J. Hud.

9:28: Definitely the best guest performance of the season so far. My boyfriend thinks Carrie Underwood was better.

9:29: God, she’s towering over Ry-Guy. What a little twerp he is.

9:34: Paula says she’s surprised that Anoop is in the bottom three. Simon, not so much.

9:35: Uh-oh, Kris and Rounds are up together. I think it’s got to be Rounds in the bottom three. Even though I think Kris’s song choice last night was totally BO to the GUS. Simon chimes in with “Kris, we didn’t get to talk last night. You were brilliant.” Brilliant, really? I think Susan Boyle has made Simon go a little soft on us.

9:36: OK, I love my girl Rounds, but she’s a little dense. After Ry-Guy asks her if she’s surprised to be in the bottom three, her response is: “When I do a song by an artist that I think they see me doing, I get cut down.” NEWSFLASH: They want you to do songs by black artists. Not white Jewish women with cabaret-style shows on the strip in Las Vegas.

9:37: Kris is safe and Rounds is in the bottom three again. My girl has got to take it up a notch or she’s in big trouble. Hokey Gokey and Matt G are up together. It’s definitely going to be Matt G.

9:38: PS: Thank God HG has his glasses back on. He sort of looks like a mole without them.

9:39: HG is safe. Matt G is bottom. OK, so we got two out of the three. I think either Anoop or Matt G are going home.

9:40: Kara and Paula think that the right contestants are on the chopping block tonight. OK, Ry-Guy is going to send one of them back to their seat. And it’s…….Anoop. It’s now between Matt G and Rounds.

9:45: I really, really, really dislike Miley/Hannah and her creeptastic father/lover.

9:46: Ok, the Miley/Hannah stage fog is out of control. I can barely see her. She’s performing some song called “The Climb”.

9:48: My friend Lauren calls: “This song makes me want to climb to the top of my roof and throw myself off.”

9:49: Ry-Guy asks the judges if they’ll use their save tonight and Simon responds with: “There is one person I would consider saving and I think it would be a surprise to that person.” Could it be Matt G? I think Rounds’ little throwdown with Simon last night has cost her some serious brownie points with the judges.

9: 54: OK, who’s it gonna be Ry-Guy? Rounds is safe. Matt G is up for elimination. Now, the dreaded singing for his life commences.

9:55: He’s definitely sounding better tonight. I think the judges may actually save him.

9:56: The judges were totally right about his original performance of this song. The dumb arrangement hurt him. Tonight’s he’s doing a more straightforward version of the song and it’s really sounding better.

9:57: The audience is in a frenzy! They’re chanting, “Save, save, save, save.”

9:58: OMG, the judges save him. This means next week is a double elimination. Finally, something somewhat interesting has happened.

9:59: Simon rains on everyone’s parade: “This is not good news. Next week two people go home. Second piece of bad news, next week is Disco Week.” Uh-oh. Maybe this will finally be Rounds’ week to make a comeback. Until then…..