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15 Minutes and Counting: A Hipster Grifter Timeline

There’s been a lot going on this week. Maybe the sunshine is bringing out the crazies. Ashton is a Twitter god, Woody Allen hates American Apparel, Jamie Foxx, 41, talks smack on Hannah “little white bitch” Montana, the list goes on… But the story that got us Flavorpillers in a tizzy has nothing to do with celebrities. It concerns the latest overnight web phenom known as the Hipster Grifter.

Long story short: Kari Ferrell seemed like the perfect little hipster complete with a pixie cut, a penchant for indie music, and a conversation starting tattoo, and therefore was a shoe-in hire for Vice magazine. And then the whole “don’t judge a book by its cover” fail occurred. While we’re not professionals, it’s safe to say that the girl is crazy. Using her Vice employment to score free swag and skip lines at clubs? To be expected. Lies about having three months to live because of lung cancer and being el prego? Holy Amy Winehouse. Now a permanent fixture on everyone’s people-I-don’t-know-but-hate shit-list, let’s follow the Hipster Grifter’s super entertaining blogosphere trajectory.

1. 2.The now infamous juicy details from Doree Shafrir’s piece for the New York Observer, complete with Ferrell’s magical disappearing lung cancer! But the comments are the best part:

I want 7 minutes of my life back.

“A few days later, one of Ms. Ferrell’s new colleagues came by her desk. “I said, ‘Excuse me, miss, is [her boss] downstairs?” VICE IS BIG ENOUGH TO NEED A TWO FLOOR OFFICE? Shenanigans!

I blame all of this girls actions on the economy, possibly 9/11. I’m not really sure which one actually.

I must admit, I am curious as to who did her ink? That’s a pretty serious chest piece! Lots of $$$$ that she didn’t just walk in to some random shop, write a check, and left 8hrs later with a huge-mungous chest piece???!!! (not necessarily in that order) I’m guessing that since nobody is claiming it, it wasn’t a “Happily Ever After” bedtime story. Still curious though . . . hmmmmmm . . .

2. 1. Vice calls her out, and regrets not getting their Google on prior to hiring the mad woman.

“When the time comes for you to take on a new administrative assistant, try plugging your prospective employee’s name into this new internet dealie called Google to make sure she doesn’t have any less-than-desirable traits, like, say, five outstanding warrants for fraud in Utah where she also faked numerous abortions and was run out of town after earning a colorful nickname such as ‘The Filth.’”

Again, some fantastic comments:

Salt Lake City’s most wanted criminal is a check bouncer? Bullshit- you know those nutjob Mormons are up to some crazy shit. I’ve seen Big Love!

man you guys should have hired me! i only have one warrant but its cleared up! iam a bad ass!

i used to date this girl, until she got that nasty case of the cancer, thank got it cleared up, i heard Milk Thistle is the trick.

this girl was insane, this all makes sense. i wish that whenever i had a sneaky suspicion about someone it would be confirmed by there heinous debt and crimes in utah, subsequently revealed to me by a vice blog post.

3. The t-shirt. “Based on a famous saying by the now infamous Kari Ferrell, the ‘Hipster Grifter’ of Williamsburg.”

4. The Craig’s List ad which revealed some of her fave bands: “Bonnie ‘P’ Billy, Mono, Owen, The Books, Curtis Mayfield, The Gap Band, The Zombies, Glenn Miller Band, Russian Circles, Kashiwa Daisuke, The Magnetic Fields, Sunn O))), Botch, Benny Goodman, Murs, Boris, The Hood Internet, Phosphorescent, Muddy Waters, Akron/Family, Refused, Schubert, and on and on and on.” What an enigma.

5. We came across this fake Twitter account which may or may not be the real Kari Ferrell… And then this one. That Hipster Grifter is tricky, we tell ya. Or just psycho… A sample tweet: “me faking cancer < dicaprio faking being a doctor & treating patients in Catch Me If You Can”

6. Time to apologize. You know, to Gawker and all.

“Yes, I made mistakes and yes, I hurt people who cared for me (and vice versa). However, I have made amends with most of those individuals, and have attempted to rectify my poor decisions by paying them back. I know that it is neither here nor there, but what the article didn’t mention is that I haven’t done anything of that nature for years. I understand that that, in no way, justifies what I did…but I definitely recognize that what I did was really REALLY shitty, and like to think that I have learned from my mistakes.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to barrage you with my…whatever the fuck those preceeding paragraphs are…my sincere apologies.

Apologies for brevity and any blunders in spelling; this was sent from a fucking iPhone.”

(An iPhone that, we’re sure, was stolen.)

7. RIP Hipster Grifter. Vice admits to creating a monster, and predicts her Hipster Grifter, who? future.

“Anyways, we get the feeling that by tomorrow morning everybody will be done with this whole deal and then Monday morning everyone’s parents will forward them the story and we’ll all be really done with it, so enjoy it now while it’s still only kind of irritating. Also we are hereby expurgating the term “grifter” from the Vice lexicon and recommend you do the same before it gets scooped up by the awfuls and turned into the next bacon/pirate/ninja/lolcat.”

We don’t know. We’re not entirely tired of it yet. But we’re going to stop talking about it. Because as one Vice commenter points out: “These fuckers are basking in the spotlight like an underheated iguana.” And no one likes the smell of charred hipster.

8. Vice leaves us a comment about how we have the first two items in our timeline in the wrong order, making us feel sheepish. Good thing we start drinking early on Fridays at Flavorpill.

One last thing: Why does Complex feel the need to call her the “Asian Hipster Grifter”?

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